Freedom After 50

Live long enough, you get old—that’s life, but living free, fit and fabulous—that’s the challenge.

Five years ago, baby boomer Jennifer King had what she calls “that old-school notion of seniors.” Poised to begin a new job—as director of the West Oakland Senior Center—“I expected to be spending the rest of my working life calling out bingo numbers.” The first time she looked in on a line-dancing class at the center and saw 60 to 70 men and women expertly whizzing around the floor and realized many were not much older than her, she awakened to a new reality. “I went in thinking I’d find folk like my grandmother,” she says. “In fact, I encountered quite the opposite.”

King realized that in planning new programs, it was more appropriate to think—not in terms of her grandmother—but herself.

Now 52, King is three years from 55—the official sign-up age at the city’s four senior centers. She is two years into the AARP classification of senior, namely 50. She is 13 years short of the conventional U.S. retirement age of 65 and slap-bang in the middle of the boomer generation: the 76 million Americans born between 1945 and 1964. In this context, she is riding the so-called silver tsunami.

Well-known people transitioning into AARP’s “seniorhood” include Sharon Stone, Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ellen DeGeneres, Prince and Viggo Mortensen. Sir Paul McCartney, at 65, has passed his famous “When I’m 64” benchmark. The word “seniors” sounds stodgy, but as King discovered first-hand, there is no such thing these days as “be your age” or “act your age.” With wrinkles come wisdom, confidence and newfound freedom. It’s all about choice.

Fit for Fun

“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” Ever heard anyone trapped in an out-of-shape body utter pianist Eubie Blake’s familiar lament? Keeping fit, mentally and physically, is a quality-of-life choice.

“There are 80-year-olds climbing Mount Tam and 60-year-olds who can’t make it as far as the corner store,” says Mary Louise Zernike, a senior nutritionist and health advisor with the Alameda County Department of Adult and Aging Services in Oakland, California. So—which do you want to be?

For anyone aged 50 and older, health experts recommend:

Energetic aerobic exercise three times a week. Walking, swimming—anything that boosts the heart rate. Start at 20 to 30 minutes and build to an hour.
Strength training twice a week, 20 to 30 minutes. “Without it, we lose muscle mass.” Join a gym or do weights or resistance work at home.
Maintain flexibility by doing something that gets you stretching—Qigong, tai chi, or dancing three times a week will work.

When it comes to weight, beware of abdominal obesity. Obesity, as most of us know, is associated with diabetes, heart disease and some cancers, and—important whether we want to grow old gracefully or disgracefully—being overweight puts strain on joints, such as the knees, which can seriously interfere with mobility.

Mind Over Monotony

What’s good for the body is good for the mind—but the mind is more demanding. Research suggests that diet-wise, adequate hydration and omega-3 fatty acids are key. Omega-3s have been shown to reduce inflammation.

“Ours is a culture of stressed-out people, and stress and depression are strong risk factors for Alzheimer’s and dementia,” says Teri Barr. A teacher with a California adult-school 50-plus program, Barr set about researching memory and aging when she heard complaints of memory loss. She found a growing body of research that suggests our brains are plastic, meaning malleable, and, given the right circumstances, can grow new synapses and neurons. But while a regular fitness routine works for the body, with the brain you have to constantly up the ante.

“When you first do something complicated, you use a lot of your brain. When it becomes familiar to you, you go into ‘user-brain.’” Not good enough! Crossword puzzles and things like sudoku are fine—but to keep the brain stimulated, learn a language; go back to school; join a book group; keep it challenged.

Sexual Liberation

The archenemy of freedom is frustration, which happens when we hang onto old attitudes and expectations—especially about sex.

“Sexuality is a lifelong work in progress. It changes form,” says clinical psychologist and sex therapist Carol Rinkleib Ellison, Ph.D., 69. “As we grow older, our bodies change, our hormones change, or we may be taking medications, most of which affect sexual desire and responsiveness.”

The key to sexual enjoyment, especially as we age, she says, is for people to remember: “Am I enjoying this?”

Ellison says that sometimes, in her practice, she sees older people who haven’t had sex for a long time. They may have been divorced or widowed. Or they’re married, but, with children and careers, their sex lives have gone into hibernation.

“There is some truth in ‘use it or lose it.’ It can take time, after a break, to find what works.” The key, she says, is “Does it feel good? The more open one is to variation, the more likely there will be enjoyment.”

Ellison has this advice for anyone single and dating: “Talk about sex, including your fears and concerns.”

A man, she points out, might have erectile difficulties. “If he’s focused on performance, and not his partner, there can be frustration for both parties. Sharing his concerns—perhaps discussing Viagra—can be a huge relief.”

A woman, says Ellison, might have had a breast removed. “Or sometimes vaginal sex doesn’t feel good anymore.”

Talk about your fantasies, she says. “And remember, sex doesn’t have to be genital-focused. Think of sex as play and creating mutual erotic pleasure involving all the senses. Include music, for example, and scented oils; think of mood and sensual foods; touch, and communicating around touch. What you do is less important than the mutuality and the enjoyment.” Don’t think you have to go to bed on the third date, she says. “And talk about safe sex. We’re not so worried about fertility in this age group. But there’s still HIV and sexually transmitted diseases.”

Adventures in Altruism

Did you dream, in the ’60s, of joining the Peace Corps—then life got in the way? “There is no upper age limit, and yes, we are actively recruiting people over 50,” says Peace Corps public affairs specialist Nathan Sargent. “We have 8,000 Peace Corps volunteers in 74 countries. About 5 percent are older than 50,” most likely flexible, resourceful and eager to make a positive impact on the world.

Peace Corps veteran and recruiter Nick Bosustow, 67, and his wife, Julie, were both 59 when they sold their home of 28 years and left Los Angeles to “shake up our lives, contribute to the world, and have an adventure.” He had won an Academy Award in 1971 for an educational film and been nominated a second time in 1973. She was an elementary-school teacher. The couple was inspired to volunteer and sign up by their daughter who was serving in Lesotho, Southern Africa.

In the first 72 hours of two years spent in Guatemala, where Nick Bosustow worked as a small business advisor and Julie Bosustow taught health and nutrition, “I met real people doing real work for a real reason,” comments Nick. “I had never experienced that in 32 years in the entertainment industry.” He and Julie subsequently served on the Peace Corps staff for two years in Suriname.