"That's mistletoe. We like to give every passenger a chance to kiss their luggage good-bye."
from November/December 2010

Finally, a year-round use for mistletoe.

"Arrivals, Departures, Bankruptcies"
from November/December 2006

Always check the monitors to stay informed. Good to know if there’s a chance in Hades you’ll get home.

"We’d like to go to the same place you sent our luggage."
from September/October 2006

A perfectly reasonable request, but the next question is even more reasonable:

"Never mind my luggage—what the devil have you done with my wife?"
from December 1982

We hate when this happens.

"You're good to go, sir, but I would recommend keeping an eye on that cholesterol of yours."
from January/February 2008

At least she isn’t telling him about his enlarged prostate.

"This is the last time I fly discount."
from November/December 2000

You’ll be okay as long as you brought your own TP.