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Dating Suspended

Published: January 14, 2014

I am now five months into The Dating Project. Or 25 years, depending on your count. I’m blue and listening to my own excuses for not finding the right guy.

Today: The Sith lord of 40 is in my window, wagging a bony finger in my direction, hexing my search results on dating websites. Thirty-nine is nearly 40. Thirty-nine is very attractive to 59-year-old men in Schenectady.

Five years ago: Everyone else was shacking up and living ever so awesomely ever after, while I swam through the mud of family illness and catastrophe. I got to the other side. Then I was old.

Ten years ago: There were so many men while I pursued an inconvenient career. I was mostly broke. Or on the road. And I had no track record to prove that my dream was not made of pipes. It was a lot to ask of a partner, to sign on to me before I knew who I was.

There is always an excuse.

Two old friends announced their divorces last week, and I urged both of them to just stick it out, not for the sake of the kids, not for just a little bit longer to see if they were sure, but forever, till death would they part, for the sake of not having to date. So you made a bad choice, live with it. Live with someone, OK? It’s not better out there. Out there it’s lonely, sad, and clichéd. Out there people get cats for cuddles.

I give great advice.

Dating is suspended this week. I’m not looking today. Mr. Right will just have to call on me while I polish my glass animal collection.


Your rom-com heroine


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  • M

    I ran across your article while I was helping my 98 year old grandfather with his computer. I saw the title of “The Intellectual” and thought you might be like me and have an intellectual approach to dating and finding “the one”. I thought there might actually be some some good advice in there. Boy was I wrong! Turns out you don’t have any approach, except cynicism, negativity, dumb conversations, and a propensity to kiss every man alive. How about saving the kisses for the one worth it.

    I don’t see the point of your articles. They suck. Only losers who want to commiserate about dating want to sit around and read boring, non-intelligent quotes from your dates. Try reading books on relationship skills & communication, learn something, then apply it to an intellectual and rational approach to dating. So many people just want the quick emotional fantasy (and sex) and don’t take the time to focus on and determine true long term compatibility over a much longer time frame, along with the skills it takes to be a selfless, empathetic, compassionate, committed partner. People wonder why they have a horrible, lonely, unfulfilling marriage they want out of. Read books on relationship skills, practice them, then write about that. You might actually find a quality guy using skills rather than stupid banter and kisses. Because of my approach, I have more women wanting me and falling in love with me than I can handle. The catch is, are they right for me. The answer, no I don’t fall for every girl that falls for me, no I don’t kiss every girl that wants to kiss me, no I don’t sleep with every girl that wants to sleep with me. I use an intellectual approach, disciple, delayed gratification, and confident list of qualities I’m looking for that I don’t compromise on, just because looks or chemistry start out good.

    Good luck with your approach.

  • Rebecca

    I agree… it is lonely out there, but for some who didn’t expect to have to put up with a complete load of shit when they married what they thought was “Mr. Right” it does sometimes seem like a better option. I am one of the lucky ones, as I have a high tolerance for pain. But, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… should anything ever happen to my man, I will NEVER re-marry. Ever. It sucks to be lonely, but it sucks more to be married and lonely with no hope of potential company. Just my humble opinion.