The Inbox

Published: February 24, 2015

My online-dating inbox overflows. Every day my suitors tell me what they think of me. With each note, I get to see myself through my squires’ eyes.

The vision alarms me.

So I thought I might share this bounty with my loyal reading public.
 

PAULSUITOR, 42:

Hello pretty,

my name is paul suitor ,i go through your profile and i love it,if you don’t mind we can be together as one for the rest of our life.pleas let talk privately you can contact me through my email suitor@email.com

regard

paul suitor

thank you.
 

SPARTACUS1975, 39:

I love you
 

MASTERFUL1, 83:

Hi there! Please excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. I really liked your profile and feel like we have a lot in common. Email me back and tell me the feeling is mutual.
 

UPWINDSAIL, 41:

You rode the vomit comet! I’m so jealous.
 

ROMPINGPLAYERS, 37:

Hello Cutie: Nice pictures and profile – we should chat.

We are a new couple looking to explore for a third friend and have fun.

Male is a 37 year old lawyer originally from N. NJ and more recently the NYC- Red Bank area and also in the process of getting a weekend place in S. FL.

Female, 32 blonde from NJ area.

We think we would have fun going out- no pressure let’s just start with drinks;) Email is rompingplayers at yahoo.

We look forward to charming you.
 

MARRIEDNOTDEAD, 45:

I love you!
 

BITEME69, 64:

Dear Sarah,

If we got married it would be funny since my name is Abraham. I will let you cook for me.
 

JOSH1971, 43:

Is it true about the ZeroG? Did you vomit on that comet?
 

IRONMAN007, 39:

Hi , I have read you profile and I thought it’s really nice , I admire all what you said.

You have and exquisite look and attractive smile.

Please read mine , if you like what I had to say email me when you have a chance. .

Have a good day
 

ALBINOSE, 26:

Are you a reporter or an astronaut? Zero-G looks like fun!
 

WHEREWOLFIE, 52:

One guy came up to me on the street and called me a Jedi. The other day I was lying in bed and I visualized a sneeze for one of the passers by, and then I heard him sneeze. When I walk by a group of kids, I think to myself, maybe they’ll say the word Vampire, and then about 5 times they have in the past said the word Vampire. I am a very strong minded man, and I affect how other people think somehow. I can talk to candles, the wind and dripping water. They act like oracles, and give me a warning of the day, what is going to happen, because time is in a warp and the future is watching us, just like we can’t shake the past. I also have the same ability when I watch old movies, the actors seem to be onto my thinking, it is a kind of a Holy Ghost thing.

What happened was I had a nerve condition and the bottom fell out of me, and I remembered that night before I went into the hospital, that the nerve cells were comprised of white blood cells, so I looked in an encyclopedia for what makes up white blood cells, and I have been taking a cocktail of all those elements since then 1997, and it paved over my brain stronger than what I was born with. The doctors gave me an MRI and then they surrounded me with their clipboards and interviewed me, why my brain was thatched so perfectly, and I told them about the supplements I took and the nerve condition that I had, and then they told me I had the densest brain on the planet. If you are into with a strong presence and happy go lucky, then you should have some banter with this writer.
 

EVERYMAUS, 61:

Obnoxious one-upmanship: that zero-g flight? I was a Navy jet pilot a lifetime ago. :)
 

212NYC1, 45:

Pretty smile. I love you.

 

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