Take Your Best Shot!

Being an avid photographer, the future groom took a few pictures along when his fiancée invited him over to dinner at her parents' house for the first time.

"These look very good," commented her mother as she considered his work. "You must have an excellent camera."

Later, as the shutterbug was heading out the door with his bride-to-be, he turned to her mother and said, "That was a delicious meal. You must have an excellent oven."

-- Bert Hudson

Mama's Boys

Four brothers were successful doctors and lawyers. One year they chatted about the gifts they gave their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a $100,000 theater built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with chauffeur."

The fourth said, "Listen. You know Mama loved reading the Scriptures. And you know, too, she can't see very well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for 20 years to the church. Let me tell you...it was worth it.

"All Mama has to do is name a chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. Afterward Mama sent out her thank you notes. She wrote:

Milton,

The house you built is huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks, anyway. Mama

Manny,

You give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound; it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. Thank you for the gesture just the same. Mama

Marvin,

I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes...and the driver you hired is a Democrat. Thanks, anyway. Mama

Dearest Melvin,

You were the only son to give a little thought to your gift. That colorful little chicken was delicious. Thank you. Mama

-- Author Unknown

Turning Points

The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted. "My mommy looked back once while she was driving," he said, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

-- Herm Albright

$1,000,000 Lottery

They're going to have a million-dollar lottery in Arkansas. If you win the lottery there, you get one dollar a year for the next million years.
Slow Lineman

Some football players were being recruited by the guy who recruits for a southern university, and they asked him if the lineman he recruited was really slow. The recruiter said, "Is he slow? Slow!!!? If he got in a race with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third."

She Buried Three

One guy said his grandmother was so tough that she buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

-- Anonymous