Putting the Bite On

A Scotsman went to the dentist and asked how much it was for an extraction. "Eighty-five dollars for an extraction, sir," was the dentist's reply.

"Have ye not got anything cheaper?" asked the Scotsman, getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction, sir," said the dentist.

"What about if ye didn't use any anesthetic?" asked the Scotsman hopefully.

"Well, it's highly unusual, sir, but if that's what you want, I suppose I can do it for $70," said the dentist.

"Hmmmm, what about if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without anesthetic?" said the Scotsman.

"Well, it's possible, but they are only training. I can't guarantee their level of professionalism, and it'll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to, say, $40," said the dentist.

"That's still a bit much. How about if ye make it a training session and have your student do the extraction with the other students watching and learning?" asked the Scotsman.

"Hmmmmm, well, OK, it'll be good for the students, I suppose. I'll charge you only $5 in that case," said the dentist.

"Wonderful, it's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye book the wife in for next Tuesday?"

-- Don Hargedon

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Sweat Equity

Maintaining a garden requires a lot of moisture--much of it in the form of perspiration.

-- Guy Belleranti

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But Enough About Me…

The toastmaster introduced the speaker with great fervor, stressing her years of faithful service to the club and eulogizing her ability and charm.

Somewhat overwhelmed, the speaker faced the audience. "After such an introduction," she said disarmingly, "I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say."

-- Thomas La Mance

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How About Them Apples?

A woman traveling through the countryside stopped at a small fruit stand and bought some apples. When she commented they were horribly small, the farmer replied, "Yup."

The woman took a bite of an apple and exclaimed, "Not very flavorful, either."

"That's right," said the farmer. "Lucky they're small, ain't it?"

-- Christopher M. Tome

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Enough Is Enough

Turning 50 years old has its good side: you only have to go through it once.

-- S. H. Dewhurst

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Cubicle Crook

You can spot the guy in an office who steals credit for other people's work. He keeps his "I" on everything.

-- Lawrence P. McGuire

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A Foolish Notion

I was taught that it is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

-- Wilma Kellogg

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A Little Too Well-Done

Most politicians are expert chefs (Though many insist, "master crooks") Who often can't scramble an egg, But skillfully cook the public's books.

-- Frank James Davis

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Bloom or Gloom?

To me, life seems to be a bowl of cherries;

For some, a can of worms their life befits.

To me, a can of worms means I go fishing;

For some, a bowl of cherries means the pits.

-- Rockin' Red

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You Need Your ZZZZs

It seems to be a fact that people who snore always fall asleep first.

-- George Anderson

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Come Together, Right Now

Wise couples agree that marriage is the splice of life.

-- Ruth Burke