You're Done, Already
Though I admire a great tan, I have to admit I'm not a fan, For any excessive rays May shorten your days!
-- Jim Haworth
***
You Snooze, You Lose
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one.
"Me, too," said the second. "Let's go find some lunch." So they flew down and found a nicely plowed field full of worms. They ate and ate until they could stand no more.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.
"Me, neither. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second one.
So they plopped down. No sooner had they fallen asleep than a big tomcat snuck up on them. Afterward, as he sat washing his face, the tomcat thought, I love baskin' robins.
-- Nancy Bennett
***
We're All Programmed
Computerized programming life has in store
Before we arrive on the scene.
Much of our blueprint is already sketched,
Determined by psyches and genes.
-- JoAnn Riding
***
Dare to Be Bear!
Sparkling streams to provide a catch Shady woods with a blueberry patch Production from industrious bees: These are the bear necessities
-- Steven Thompson
***
Looking Good
An optimistic Point of view Will always look Much better on you.
-- Suzan L. Wiener
***
A Curmudgeon's Affirmation
Every day, in every way, I'm getting bitter and bitter.
-- Lawrence P. McGuire
***
Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport
A Texas rancher vacationing in Australia met a farmer who was showing off his wheat field.
"We've got wheat fields three times as big back home," boasted the Texan.
They kept walking, and the Aussie showed off his heard of cattle.
"Oh, we have Longhorns that are twice as big," said the braggart.
A little while later, the Texan spotted a group of kangaroos hopping across the field. "What are those?" he asked.
Said the Aussie, "Ain'tcha got grasshoppers in Texas?"
-- Christopher M. Tome
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Sponging Off the Neighbors
Grandpa lived through the Depression. He claimed to be so poor that his family's idea of a sponge cake was one made from borrowed ingredients.
-- Jill Marie Bonnier
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One Run, One Hit, One Air Bag
My wife got home this afternoon and said, "I have good news and bad news for you."
"Just skip the bad news and give me the good news."
"Okay. The air bag in your new Lexus worked fine."
-- Stevie Eller
***
All That's Missing
My grandfather was a pretty adventurous person in his earlier years. He lost two fingers and several toes to frostbite during the Alaska gold rush. Poor diet habits cost him most of his teeth, and he became bald as an egg. He even lost an eye during a heated discussion over a claim. Finally retired to the family farm, he was driving a tractor one day when it suddenly overturned, crushing a leg that eventually had to be amputated. He died not long after that. Among the sympathy cards we received was one which read, "Sorry to hear that you lost the rest of your grandfather."
-- John Klase
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