Passing Sentence
An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Ever the Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
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By the Numbers
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in theater in Iraq during the past 22 months, that translates to a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. Sad but true.
The rate in Washington, D.C., is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are 25 percent more likely to be shot and killed in our nation's capital--which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the country--than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington!
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Forget About It!
A somber driver was concentrating on the traffic, but he felt that he had forgotten something. He stopped, checked his packages and his wallet, but couldn't decide what he had forgotten.
When he reached his destination, his little grandson ran to the car and said, "Hi, Grandpa; where's Grandma?"
-- Vera Emmert Johansen
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Loud and Clear
Plodding along with the family during a visit to Philadelphia's Historic District, my grandson Ryan showed only mild interest at the various sites.
At the original Ben Franklin print shop on Market Street, his ten-year-old sister Caitlin asked the guide a slew of questions.
The guide, dressed in colonial garb, enthusiastically answered as a crowd formed closer to hear him. Looking down at Ryan standing next to his attentive sister, he asked him his age.
Six was the magic number. In lengthy discourse, he addressed Ryan about his being the right age to start as a printer's apprentice--back in the 1770s, that is. He detailed the work of the apprentice: 16 hours a day, doing chores as the owner ordered, taking breaks and playtime only when allowed.
"At 21 years old, you would be a full-fledged printer. So what do you think about that?" the guide asked, looking straight at Ryan.
Without hesitation, Ryan's voice emanated loudly in the now-crowded shop: "BORING!" Greatly amused, the crowd responded as loudly.
-- Elsie Mueller
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Waiting for What?
I just spent an hour or more sitting in a doctor's waiting room, surrounded by other restless people shifting in their chairs--something's wrong here. Don't doctors say we're all too sedentary? Too much sitting around? What's going on here?
There should be treadmills, exercise bikes, and trampolines in doctors' waiting rooms, not chairs!
-- Karen M. Leet
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The March of Time
A little kid walking behind a group of senior citizens who were exiting their church caused his mother's face to turn red when he loudly exclaimed, "Why do old people put on their slow shoes when they get ready to go to church?"
-- Ruth Burke
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All for the Best
My mother always told me, "If you do your best, it's the least you can do."
-- Loretta J. Goodwin
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