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With amusement the kids watch this drama,
As the little girl clings to her mama.
But one little guy
Looks ready to cry;
Perhaps he’s reliving the trauma.

Honorable Mentions

Played out in some classrooms each fall,
It’s a scene that’s unsettling for all:
When a toddler must part
From the love of her heart,
At her first teacher’s beck and call.
—Howard Price, Wendell, North Carolina

While her students all watched with delight,
As the new girl put up a good fight,
The well-seasoned teacher
Knew just how to reach her,
So her mom could retreat and take flight.
—Mary Ann Pendleton, Waxhaw, North Carolina

Rather surprised, she said, “Gee, how did they know where we were going to be before we got here?”

Suzan L. Wiener

Spring Hill, Florida

Seth thought for a moment and replied, “I think he works for the Secret Circus.”

Barbara Albright
Indianapolis, Indiana

There’s a disastrous dearth.

Grown kids move home to stay.

You’re back to giving berth.

Lois Muehl

Iowa City, Iowa

“Better make it four. I don’t think I can eat eight.”

Harold Goldwasser
Los Angeles, California

Stephen Corrett
Croton-on-Hudson, New York

Jan Phillips

North Adams, Massachusetts

Stacey Webster

Providence, Rhode Island

His prized possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. So he went to see Croesus, the pawnbroker, to obtain a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”

Mandias was shocked and said, “But I paid 1 million dinars for it. Don’t you know I am the king?”

Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

Jack A. Graves

Turlock, California

“Is this Dr. Smith?” the caller inquired.

“Yes,” came the reply.

“Well,” asked the caller, “are you the one who practices or the one who preaches?”

Herm Albright

Indianapolis, Indiana

“Please, God, I need your help. I have a son at home, clothes to wash, and lunch to make. Please send me help.”

Through her tears, she noticed a young man standing in front of her. He bent down, picked up the hanger, and within six seconds opened the door.

“Thank you very much, sir,” said the grateful mom. “Are you a Christian?”

“No,” he said. “I just got out of prison.”

Sitting in the front seat of her car, she looked up to the sky and said, “Thank you, Lord, for sending me a professional.”

Michael Annese

Apple Valley, California

Gail MacIntyre

Kleinburg, Ontario, Canada

Wayne Tryhuk

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Matty Simmons

Post contributing editor Matty Simmons is the creator of National Lampoon magazine and producer of many books and films, including Animal House and the Vacation series.

One day the old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in midstrike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!” says the leopard. “That was close! That old dog nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures something must be up.

The monkey catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says  …

“Where’s that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

Moral of this story … Don’t mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Troy Barker

Indianapolis, Indiana

Suzan Wiener

Spring Hill, Florida

Howard Wiener

Spring Hill, Florida

Wife to husband: “One of those trout you were fishing for last weekend called and left her phone number.”

Karen S. Chilos

Gary DaSilva

• The lumberjack who got the axe

• The magician whose company changed hands

• The professional surfer who kept making waves

• The beautician who kept getting in someone’s hair

• The food taster who bit off more than she could chew

• The pilot who flew the coop

• The ballerina who couldn’t toe the line

Jacqueline Schiff

Moline, Illinois