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Limerick Laughs

Post Editors — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 19:36:36 +0000

Due to a clerical error, the runners-up for the Mar/Apr 2011 Limerick Laughs contest will not be posted to the website. We apologize to those of you who submitted poems and were hoping to see them in print. In the future, we plan to post the top 10 limericks for each issue. Keep those submissions coming!

The Saturday Evening Post will award $100 to the author of the winning limerick for this picture.

Limericks must contain five lines. Entries will not be returned. Enter as many times as you wish.

The Mar/Apr 2011 Limerick Laughs winner will be announced in the Jul/Aug 2011 issue. Entries must be postmarked by April 4, 2011.

Send entries on a postcard to:

Limerick Laughs
The Saturday Evening Post
1100 Water way Blvd.
Indianapolis, IN 46202

We extend our congratulations and $100 to Rosemary Eigenberger, Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, for the Nov/Dec 2010 winning entry.

With amusement the kids watch this drama,
As the little girl clings to her mama.
But one little guy
Looks ready to cry;
Perhaps he’s reliving the trauma.

Honorable Mentions

Played out in some classrooms each fall,
It’s a scene that’s unsettling for all:
When a toddler must part
From the love of her heart,
At her first teacher’s beck and call.
—Howard Price, Wendell, North Carolina

While her students all watched with delight,
As the new girl put up a good fight,
The well-seasoned teacher
Knew just how to reach her,
So her mom could retreat and take flight.
—Mary Ann Pendleton, Waxhaw, North Carolina

Limerick Laughs The Saturday Evening Post

Spot Check

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:35:24 +0000

One day while baby-sitting my then 7-year-old granddaughter, Elizabeth, my husband and I took her to the mall. As we were walking, she spotted the directory of stores with the “You are here” designation.

Rather surprised, she said, “Gee, how did they know where we were going to be before we got here?”

Suzan L. Wiener

Spring Hill, Florida

Spot Check The Saturday Evening Post

What’s His Line

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:35:23 +0000

My son, who works for the State Department, has never said much about his job to his 6-year-old son, Seth. This was evident one day recently when I visited and asked my grandson what his daddy did for a living.

Seth thought for a moment and replied, “I think he works for the Secret Circus.”

Barbara Albright
Indianapolis, Indiana

What’s His Line The Saturday Evening Post

Circumstances

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:35:23 +0000

Of jobs it’s true today,

There’s a disastrous dearth.

Grown kids move home to stay.

You’re back to giving berth.

Lois Muehl

Iowa City, Iowa

Circumstances The Saturday Evening Post

No Matter How You Slice It

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:35:21 +0000

A guy orders a pizza. When it’s ready, the counterman asks, “Shall I cut it into four or eight pieces?”

“Better make it four. I don’t think I can eat eight.”

Harold Goldwasser
Los Angeles, California

No Matter How You Slice It The Saturday Evening Post

Letter-Man

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:35:14 +0000

My uncle loved crosswords so much that on the day he died, he asked to be buried six down and three across.

Stephen Corrett
Croton-on-Hudson, New York

Letter-Man The Saturday Evening Post

School Daze

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:33:04 +0000

One mother to another: “I never realized the value of an education until the children went back to school.”

Jan Phillips

North Adams, Massachusetts

School Daze The Saturday Evening Post

Score Card

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:24:50 +0000

The golf cart has one big advantage over a caddy— it can’t count.

Stacey Webster

Providence, Rhode Island

Score Card The Saturday Evening Post

Star Struck

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:24:50 +0000

King Mandias of Assyria was getting short on money because of war with the Hittites.

His prized possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. So he went to see Croesus, the pawnbroker, to obtain a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”

Mandias was shocked and said, “But I paid 1 million dinars for it. Don’t you know I am the king?”

Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

Jack A. Graves

Turlock, California

Star Struck The Saturday Evening Post

House Call

Post Readers — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:24:49 +0000

A man who was a doctor of divinity resided with his son,  a doctor of medicine. One day the phone rang and the  doctor answered.

“Is this Dr. Smith?” the caller inquired.

“Yes,” came the reply.

“Well,” asked the caller, “are you the one who practices or the one who preaches?”

Herm Albright

Indianapolis, Indiana

House Call The Saturday Evening Post

Door Jam

Post Readers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:12:36 +0000

One morning a mother was out doing errands. After two hours she went back to her car. Searching for the car keys, she discovered they were inside the locked car. She went to the nearest store to ask for a wire hanger to unlock her car—to no avail. She dropped to the ground in tears and prayed.

“Please, God, I need your help. I have a son at home, clothes to wash, and lunch to make. Please send me help.”

Through her tears, she noticed a young man standing in front of her. He bent down, picked up the hanger, and within six seconds opened the door.

“Thank you very much, sir,” said the grateful mom. “Are you a Christian?”

“No,” he said. “I just got out of prison.”

Sitting in the front seat of her car, she looked up to the sky and said, “Thank you, Lord, for sending me a professional.”

Michael Annese

Apple Valley, California

Door Jam The Saturday Evening Post

Homesick

Post Readers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:12:36 +0000

Baby-sitter to parents who returned home very late: “Please, don’t apologize—if I had a kid like yours, I wouldn’t hurry home either.”

Gail MacIntyre

Kleinburg, Ontario, Canada

Homesick The Saturday Evening Post

Deja Blue

Post Readers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:12:35 +0000

A never-ending problem
 Has the automakers bawling. 
The cars they’d just as soon forget 
They’re constantly recalling.

Wayne Tryhuk

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Deja Blue The Saturday Evening Post

Whistle Stop

Post Readers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:12:35 +0000

We were walking down Madison Avenue recently when we noticed a fellow New Yorker crossing against a red light. A police officer standing some 20 feet from him yelled, “Hey you, come here!” The pedestrian looked the officer over coolly, then said, “You know, you don’t have to yell at me. All you have to do is blow that whistle I bought you.”

Matty Simmons

Post contributing editor Matty Simmons is the creator of National Lampoon magazine and producer of many books and films, including Animal House and the Vacation series.

Whistle Stop The Saturday Evening Post

Old Dog, New Tricks

Post Readers — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 19:12:35 +0000

A wealthy, old gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly dog named Killer along for the company.

One day the old dog starts chasing rabbits and before long discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old dog thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old dog exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in midstrike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!” says the leopard. “That was close! That old dog nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed and figures something must be up.

The monkey catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now the old dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old dog says …

“Where’s that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

Moral of this story … Don’t mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Troy Barker

Indianapolis, Indiana

Old Dog, New Tricks The Saturday Evening Post