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1918_08_17--005_SP [The Vulgar Dollar]

THE SATURDAY EVENING POST 89 Lift Corns out with Fingers A few applications of Freezone loosen corns or calluses so they peel off Apply a few drops of Freezone upon a tender, aching corn or a MUM two or three nights. The soreness stops and shortly the entire corn or callus loosens and can be lifted off without a twinge of pain. Freezone removes hard corns, soft corns, also corns between the toes and hardened calluses. Freezone does not irritate the surrouncrit7slkin. You feel no pain when applying it or afterward. Women ! Keep a tiny bottle of Freezone on your dresser and never let a corn ache twice. Small bottles can be had at any drug store in the United States or Canada. The Edward Wesley Co., Cincinnati, 0. TT 2 1-\17 DECK PAI NT Twelve hours after you paint a floor with this paint you can walk on It without leaving a track. It's the paint when you're in a hurry. If you don't know who sells it in your town, write us. THE BILLINGS-CHAPIN CO. Boston Cleveland New York for porches, floors and walls , DRIES HARD OVERNIGHT Dentistry offers unusual opportunities. Know about the opportunities of dental profession before deciding your career. The Indiana Dental College presents an exceptional opportunity to study dentistry at a moderate cost for tuition and living expenses. New college year begins September 30. Augmented curriculum. Able faculty. Clinical facilities unexcelled. Write for catalog and full details of opportunities for service and advancement in the practice of dentistry. Address Write to F. R. &askew, Dean INDIANA 3 W. North SL. Indianapolis DENTAL COLLEGE Wanted—Foreman For Overall Factory Must be capable of managing plant of 400 Machines making high grade garments, and must have experience in handling Union Labor. Apply by mail, giving age and past record. Address P. 0. Box 503, Louisville, Ky. THE VULG DOLL his face. Really I cannot bring myself to make a criticism of so prominent a man; but I can and will at this moment refer to marriage, which no one holds above criticism; and I hereby state that I can well perceive that at times things occur, such as lack of proper sympathy, for example, which must make the married state well-nigh unbearable— if you know what I mean. I will say of Mrs. Esmeralda that she did not bring that—that supposedly necessary and hygienic but most indecorous garment back with her to the luncheon table. She rescued it from her pet, whom she soundly boxed on the ears, and gave the thing to Mrs. DeWynt's maid, who at the alarm had hurried out on the terrace. But Mrs. Esmeralda did something almost as bad. She returned to her place a trifle flushed and spoke directly to her aunt, who had only partly recovered. " I got it all right, Aunt Sally," said that unabashed but honestly apologetic young person; "I got it all right, and it isn't much torn. I think it can even be used again. I am so sorry, because I've noticed in the advertisements how expensive they are !" At this my dear patroness merely glared at her uncouth niece and turned the subject, her face a color which I will term a blush, but which in a person of less social importance might almost have been called purple. Of course the whole thing was dropped immediately. But the most curious part of it all was the fact that somehow the dullness seemed to have been entirely wiped out of the luncheon party! A fact which, in view of the tragic thing that had just occurred, puzzles me to this day. I have at times considered it is to be regretted that among ourselves a certain good old English custom has been dropped— to wit, that of the proper chastisement of insubordinate young females by the elders in authority—a tradition that seems to have become obsolete unless it is still maintained by laboring persons, petty clerks, and so forth. But among us there appears to be no method by which the hapless parent, husband or guardian can, as I may say, establish his or her authority over the intractable junior. And such was the position of Mrs. DeWynt. Of course one of the chief difficulties my dear patroness encountered was the fact that after all Esmeralda never did anything wrong. Merely things which are simply not done, if you know what I mean, and all with a disarming simplicity which loudly proclaimed her entire innocence of intent to do a single thing out of the ordi- nary . Pe rchance if the ancient power vested in the older members of the, as I may call them, baronial households had been applicable to Mrs. Esmeralda the disasters of the day might have ended at the luncheon table. But as the modern tendency to giving the younger women an absolutely free hand has apparently become an unassailable precedent, Mrs. DeWynt was helpless except for the quality of her facial expression; and it is well known that when my dear patroness concludes to assume her cloak of unapproachableness the effect is, to put it mildly, dampening. But curiously enough its impression upon her niece was nil; and when that young lady reappeared in the afternoon arrayed in a delicious creation of cinnamon chiffon her manner bore not the slightest trace of shame or repentance. Upon the strictest instructions she had locked her terrible Jeffdog into safe quarters, and it seemed to me that she hung about waiting for the guests to arrive in rather a forlorn manner, being accompanied only by her husband, Captain Tugwell, who sat beside her on the edge of the terrace and seemed to be endlessly talking about beastly unpleasant things like the war, which I am sure must have bored her awfully, though she made every effort to conceal the fact, owing doubtless to her undeniable kindness of heart. Had I not been so overwhelmed by my final duties in regard to the imminent advent of the guests I should of course have rescued her, out of sheer pity. But people were arriving before I could reach her, and naturally I was at once almost rushed to death with the effort of attending to these half-strangers and at the same time appearing very leisurely and casual in my manner, if you know what I mean. The senator and Mr. Willy had (Continued from Page 7) disappeared almost immediately after luncheon, and the other members of our own crowd had grouped themselves defensively in the long drawing-room, where Hoskins had set out a special table with drinks. This was keeping them amused, because St. Johns had invented some concoction which he called a "Frozen Hell," and the ladies, Mrs. Langdon in particular, seemed to find it very entertaining to " play bartender," as they called it, and help him in the manufacture of them. The loud indifference of this group to the arriving guests, which was of course one of the recognized privileges of people in their social standings, made my work a trifle difficult. Dear Mrs. DeWynt could, it is true, occasionally be, as I may say, pried away from the group when I whispered to her of some more important arrival. But she always returned to her own unit at the earliest possible instant. Captain Tugwell and Esmeralda, with their heads close together at the far end of the terrace, were of course worse than useless, and so the whole thing devolved upon me. Fortunately the bridge tables were not difficult to seat, and when the orchestra began to play softly it helped, as subdued music always does, to veil, as it were, the awkwardness incident to the raw beginnings of almost any entertainment. It is odd, really, how few of the men we knew had come to this function, or, even if they had appeared, troubled to play. The senator and Mr. Willy had plainly avowed their preference for golf—an exerting occupation for which I personally have very little use. And St. Johns, that champion of the brainy and, as I may call it, scientific game of bridge, was devoting himself to the concoction of his newly invented beverage ! Nevertheless, there was a sprinkling of men at the tables—for the most part younger dancing fellows, who were more or less useful for that sort of thing and for big dinners or any place where one runs rather short. But the affair was draggy—even after the usual crucial first half hour. There was no denying it—the bridge drive was not promising to prove the brilliant success which we had anticipated with such supposedly well-grounded confidence. The reporters had arrived, and the camera men; but it is an unfortunate truth that the guests had not. That is to say, nothing like so many of them as we had expected and provided for. Indeed I felt it incumbent upon me to hold the newspaper and photographic persons in conversation as long as was possible, hoping that more people would appear. But though the day was very fine and all conditions auspicious it is actually true that not quite half of the outsiders whom Mrs. De Wynt had commissioned me to invite put in an appearance! As I was in the midst of, as it were, restraining the persons from the press and experiencing more than the usual difficulties in so doing, I caught sight of an unexpected move on the part of Mrs. Esmeralda. She and Captain Tugwell rose from their seats, and I, helplessly caught in the very midst of an unfinished sentence addressed to the reporters, was obliged to witness without protest the beginnings of the extraordinary performance that ensued. Without even calling upon the assistance of a servant, Esmeralda and Captain Tugwell removed the large bowl of flowers from the center of that long table that had been moved out from the library. And they next ascertained, by use of the captain's handkerchief, that the surface was completely dry. Then, getting rid also of the supply of surplus tobacco, Esmeralda broke the seals of a couple of packs of new cards and began some mysterious manipulations with them. Must I say that this conspicuous conduct of hers drew the attention of every eye? There will be no need to make such an assurance. Playing was partly suspended at every table, those who were at the moment dummy giving their entire interest to the redheaded girl, who I regret to add had not even troubled to lower her voice. "Believe me, it moves a whole lot faster than bridge !" she was assuring her husband. "And money skips right along through it like a sheriff's posse was on its trail. Let me show you." At this juncture Mrs. Ted, who was evidently neither interested in the bridge nor in Wynnet's new drink, strolled out and joined the two at the long table. • " Why, hello !" said Mrs. Ted in her odd unconventional manner, which somehow never offends anyone. " Why, hello ! Here's a game I like too !" Almost simultaneously the senator and Mr. Willy appeared round the corner of the house, looking very serious, as if the prospect of the promised fulfillment of duty ahead of them lay, as I may say, heavily on their minds. At sight of Esmeralda, the captain and Mrs. Ted, however, they cautiously skirted the bridge crowd, the open drawing-room windows, and joined the group at the long table. When the senator saw what was in progress there he emitted what I can only describe as a howl of joy. Really, I am aware that such a statement regarding so prominent a personage might easily be accounted an indiscretion. But such was the fact. I might further add that his face broke into a smile that gave him almost the aspect of a child who has unexpectedly come upon a new toy that particularly pleases it. Mr. Willy, of the President's Purchasing Board, also gave a distinct demonstration of pleasure, and one of the bridge players, who was dummy at the table nearest this newly developed group, also rose and joined them; a young man he was, about whom we really knew very little. These peculiar demonstrations were, I confess, too much for my powers of composure, and so excusing myself to the press people I hastily traversed the length of the terrace with the intent of ascertaining what was, as I may say, afoot. As I simultaneously with one or two others joined the group Esmeralda looked up from her occupation of dealing out cards in a most peculiar fashion and caught my eye. "Hello, Penny!" said Mrs. Esmeralda briskly; "want to get in?" And it was at this moment that I discovered the horrible and indisputable fact that she had a little pile of money at her elbow— actual cash—bank notes and silver ! Now of course all the best people play for money—that goes without the saying. But always by check; or at any rate matters are settled after the game, the amounts being inconspicuously tabulated. But real money on the table, with ladies present— really! Shocked as I was I managed a reply to her question. "Get in?" I said. "What are you playing, may I ask?" "Blackjack!" said she briefly. "I fear I do not comprehend," said I somewhat stiffly. "Is it a native American Indian game of some sort?" "Indians have been known to play it," replied Esmeralda. "But since you are so particular, the right name is Fantianna." "Fantianna?" I repeated, puzzled. "May I ask you to interpret?" " Why, Penny, you bluff !" said Esme- ralda. thought you knew French! It means twenty-one, of course!" A light, as I may say, broke upon me at this. "Vingt-el-un!" I exclaimed. "Have it your own way," said she cheerfully; " but a natural wins in any language !" This last informal remark was addressed to the senator, and I turned away hastily to find and take counsel with my dear patroness. Matters were coming to a terrible state. People were leaving the bridge tables quite unceremoniously and gathering about the quickly moving red head of our Western relative, whose clear voice could be heard calling out such strange remarks as "Crack 'em down, boys! The money won't grow in your pocket like the hair on your heads!" A short silence ensued. Then I was amazed to hear the senator's voice excitedly calling out "Hit me! Hit me! Whoa!" Laughter began to manifest itself among the crowd, and an air of gayety that was of a quality quite different from our sort of thing started to develop. I fairly fled to Mrs. DeWynt. She was still in the drawingroom, unconscious of all that was afoot, and when I whispered the alarming tidings in her ear she, with her ever-ready social generalship, if you know what I mean, mustered the little crowd of intimates from about the improvised bar and led them out upon the terrace with full intent to break up that terrible gathering about the library table, which I had so inadvertently placed there as a means to an unforeseen end. - Now if there is anything that one expects of one's friends it is that- they will herd


1918_08_17--005_SP [The Vulgar Dollar]
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