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1918_08_17--005_SP [The Vulgar Dollar]

90 THE SATURDAY EVENING POST August 17, 19/8 HAVE YOU A SWEETHEART Son or Brother in training camps in the American Army or Navy? If so, mail him a package of ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE, the antiseptic powder to be shaken into the shoes and sprinkled in the footbath. The American, British and French troops use Allen's Foot=Ease, because it takes the Friction from the Shoe and freshens the feet. It is the greatest comforter for tired, aching, tender, swollen feet, and gives relief to corns and bunions. The Plattsburg Camp Manual advises men in training to shake Soldiers ale Foot-Ease in their shoes each Foot-Ease morning. Ask your dealer today for a 25c. box of Allen's Foot=Ease, and for a 2c. stamp he will mail it for you. What remembrance could be so acceptable? A limited number of Free Trial Packages of Allen's Foot-Ease will be forwarded, charges prepaid, to any War Relief Committee for making up Comfort Kits. Address, Allen S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. U Why, of course you can! What? Cut own hair — to be sure. Cjust as you do your own shaving. ere's a practical, tried-out, safety hair cutter—specially honed haircutting blades, mounted on each side of a regular comb. As you comb your hair, it cuts just a little at a time so that you can cut your hair to its most becoming len ,th and save time and money right along. Remember it'sguaranteed. Money Aback if not satisfactory. Just the thing for your boy at the front. In Khaki kit $2.00, or if you wish wooden box outfit, $2.75. Get your Ucan today. N UCAN SALES CORPORATION Dept. B, Woolworth Bldg. New York City SAFETY HAIRCUTTER New Methods in Child Trainin Now for the first time there is a scientific method in child training. founded on the principle that confidence is the basis of control. This new system shows you how in your own home to correct the cause of disobedience, wilfulness, untruthfulness and other dangerous habits which, if not properly remedied, lead to dire consequences. The trouble in most cases now is that children are punished or scolded for what they do. The new method removes the cause—not bypunishmentor scolding but by confidence and cooperation along lines which are amazingly easy f or any parent to instantly apply. Highest Endorsemenb Thin tnheewf system, c Cours prepared especially for the busy parent, is producing remarkablee and immediate results for the thousands of parents in all parts of the world. It is also endorsed by leading educators. It covers all ages( ro rn cradle toeighteenyears. "New Methods in Child Training" is the title of a startling book which describes this new system and outlines the work of the Parents Association. Send letter or postal today and the book will be sent tree— but do it now, as this announcement may never appear here again. The Parents Association Dept. 538. 449 Fourth Ave., N.Y. 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And to do them justice, Mar- jorie and Mrs. Langdon certainly stuck to my dear patroness in the best possible form, but whether St. Johns' new alcoholic experiments had anything to do with the matter or whether there was really something contagious about that long table and the, as I may say, presiding spirit I cannot pretend to state. But I do know that hardly had Mrs. DeWynt's little troop reached the scene of action when all save the two aforementioned ladies deserted, creating a situation that was, to say the least of it, deucedly awkward. There was but one thing to do, and my dear lady did it without hesitation. " William !" she said, raising her lorgnette and staring fixedly at the senator. "William, I think you and I might form the basis of a new bridge table. At once!" It was masterly—or ought to have been, if you know what I mean. But somehow it wasn't. The senator unfortunately happened to be winning at that moment, and the face he turned to his wife was actually flushed with excitement, while his eyes shone like a boy's. "Not on your life, Sally !" he cried laughingly. " Wow ! A natural—once and a half !" It was truly awful. But I do not think that anyone, excepting Mrs. DeWynt and myself, really heard him, there was so much noise going on; and of course we covered it at once by talking and laughing with the rest and seeming to form a part of what was shortly the event of the day. The senator was, however, irrepressible. He even urged his wife to take part in Mrs. Esmeralda's outrageous undertaking. "You ought to get into this, old girlie!" he cried. " It's the squarest game I've seen in a long time. Stands on seventeen, draws to sixteen, and doesn't take stand-offs. And pays once and a half for naturals!" Of course Mrs. DeWynt paid no more attention to this remark than would any self-respecting wife. But no one noticed this little difference of opinion, because just then Mr. Willy—the Mr. Willy of the President's Purchasing Board—suddenly began shouting: "Once more, once more! Busted, by gad !" Mrs. Esmeralda, totally unabashed by this outbreak, acclaimed in a loud clear voice that her bank roll having increased she was now prepared to take bets of ten dollars. No one responding immediately, she renewed her familiar singsong—a sort of aboriginal chant, I take it to be—about "Crack 'em down, crack 'em down, boys!" referring doubtless to the tomahawk of her native district. Then the rush began again. I must here mention that for the most part her trans- actions continued to take place in actual cash—perhaps because the amazing young female who was running the game kept as- suring her delighted public that she would cash their checks, but that there was "no tick," whatever that might mean ! "Cash for cash!" she would call. "Cash for cash and fire the bookkeeper!" And at this the senator would pound the table and yell with an emphasis which, though it would doubtless befit the nature of his public duties during a period of national crisis, was scarcely of a sufficiently dignified quality to make it suitable to one of his wife's entertainments, if you know what I mean. Altogether the degree to which the game affected the poor dear man was quite extraordinary. Nor was his enthusiasm the only surprise produced by this aboriginal pastime, for Mr. Willy became equally excited. He be- ing by nature taciturn, rugged and ruddy in appearance, and well-gotten-up in a breezy sort of, as I may call it, country-squire fash- ion, one would not have been surprised by an outburst of enthusiasm from him on, let us say, the subject of golf. His appear- ance warranted such a demonstration. But Mr. Willy had, so I understand, some con- nection with that same unfortunately crude period of the senator's early life to which I have unwillingly, yet I trust not too tact- lessly, referred. In short their acquirement of their knowledge of Mrs. Esmeralda's game must have been about simultaneous, to judge from their similar behavior upon this occasion, and their occasional somewhat cryptic reminiscences. Mr. Willy developed a peculiar habit—unquestionably an old and abandoned one which memory renewed—of standing on one leg and swinging the other foot in a half circle through the air, to the accompaniment of a very individual whistling sound made through his front teeth. These demonstrations reoccurred with great regularity and increasing vehemence whenever he made a play. Whether he won or lost never altered the vehemence of the whistle or the swing of the boot. To say that the crowd was delighted by the spectacle of these two prominent persons so openly enjoying themselves is merely a mild indication of what actually occurred. As a matter of fact the other gamblers—I can call them by no other word—became almost as wild as the three leading lights of this "social" gathering. The noise was growing quite deafening and, greatest calamity of all, those wretched newspaper people and photographers instead of keeping their proper distance actually joined the game; one quite impossible little chap, in an obviously ready-made suit of tweeds, almost outdid the senator himself in shouting and pounding. The spirit of the West was becoming, as I may say, rampant. I can truthfully assert that had the men drawn revolvers and begun firing into the air I should have been in no whit surprised. It was just as things got to this appalling state that poor dear Mrs. DeWynt's almost amazonian, if I may respectfully so term it, social leadership reasserted itself in full force. Never, never, in all the time I have known her, has it failed to do so at any tremendously critical time. Completely recovering her usual manner by a stupendous effort of will, she simply ordered tea, thereby automatically bringing her doomed garden party to its close. This time there was no failure. For once tea appeared it would of course be impossible for any guest to have continued playing. And though it was barely four o'clock and so under ordinary conditions far too early to order it, still it more than served its purpose, and the crowd at the long table began to disperse. Of course it is possible that Mrs. Esmeralda's unexpected willingness to, as she called it, " quit" may have had something to do with the readiness with which her audience left her board for ours—to crack a mild joke, if you know what I mean! Far from opposing their desertion she even rather encouraged it. "I guess this crowd is pretty thoroughly cleaned out, anyway!" she remarked. "Go along and get your ice cream, folks ! No, thanks, nothing for me! I'll just count up now!" During the tea which followed, and which my dear patroness succeeded in making as dull and consequently as brief as possible, I had perforce to pass the long table where Esmeralda still sat surrounded by a persistent group of admirers. And as I did so I fairly chilled with horror at sight of the money that she was engaged in assorting. There seemed an amazing lot of it in bills, silver, and even a little gold. And that outrageous young woman was coolly straightening it out and making notes concerning it with Captain Tugwell's notebook and pencil. She was even chatting in a friendly fashion with the people about her. I hurried by as fast as possible, for the sight somehow wounded my sensibilities to the quick. I have ever observed that when a situation reaches a point where endurance of it no longer seems possible a change occurs, and usually for the better. I dare say Nature or something like that takes care of the matter, if you know what I mean. Like blondes marrying brunettes, and rain after a dry period, and all that sort of thing. And so it was in this instance. The guests, having finished their uncomfortable tea, at length began to depart, my dear lady by this time having reached such a pitch of, as I may call it, nervous strain that she scarcely heeded their farewells. Indeed she once or twice simply turned her back upon some of the outsiders when they tried to say good-by. And then finally there was left only a little group of ourselves—the senator, Mr. Willy and Captain Tugwell, all deeply absorbed in helping Esmeralda at her task, Mrs. Ted, Mrs. Langdon, and of course St. Johns and Marjorie remained to see the thing out. Preparing for the inevitable and wishing to be in an advantageous position, my dear patroness ensconced herself in a large chair and surrounded herself with her little group I of loyal ones. She was evidently determined that the girl should come to her, and so indeed it happened. After a very few moments Mrs. Esmeralda rose and approached her aunt, bearing a cake basket full of money, and backed up in the rear by the senator,! Mr. Willy and Captain Tugwell. Mrs. DeWynt eyed the oncoming procession unsmilingly. But Esmeralda was plainly elated, and when she was in such a mood I assure you there was something contagious about her, even if one were trying to stand on one's dignity. "Look, Aunt Sally!" she exclaimed. "Pretty good pickings! We make it two thousand dollars. This village must represent a lot of hard money !" Mrs. Esmeralda's announcement was electrifying. St. Johns gave a long whistle, and the other women took on a rigid expression. All but my dear lady, who half rose from her seat and then sank back again. "Two thousand dollars !" she said. "But my dear child ! And what on earth are you going to do with all that pinmoney? " A dead silence followed the question. I think the expression on Esmeralda's face was the cause of it. For once it was deadly serious, and she lost all her color, becoming very white, as though she had been suddenly and badly frightened. But she was not frightened; her eyes showed that. She was merely extremely angry, and holding on to her temper in, as I must say, the very best of form. Her voice was very quiet, yet distinctly disconcerted. "Aunt Sally," said she slowly, "every person on this terrace was playing for money—even at the bridge tables. Do you mean to tell me they expected to keep their winnings?" "Now, Esmeralda —" began Mrs. DeWynt. But that stern young figure would not allow her aunt to go on. "I was playing for the Red Cross," said Mrs. Esmeralda. "I thought the others were too. I see by your face that I was wrong. Well, there's no question about where my money goes !" In silence still we watched her count off a certain number of bills, which she retained. Then she set her basketful of assorted wealth upon the arm of her aunt's chair. "There you are—all but sixty dollars," said she. " With the three hundred you took in at the gate the boys over there will get quite a lot of help." " And for what, may I ask, are you retaining that sixty dollars?" inquired Mrs. DeWynt. Esmeralda laughed a little, though not very gayly. " This member of the Red Cross pays expenses first!" she said, pointing to herself. " And that sixty was lent me by my husband to stake the bank !" With that she turned to hand him the money. But he was gone—vanished utterly! " Well, never mind," said Mrs. Esmeralda, stuffing the money into her belt. " I'll give it to him next time I see him, unless he wants to donate it. But I'll let him do it himself." And then, to the infinite relief of all of us, Hoskins appeared with the tray of beforedressing cocktails. What marvelous inventions food and drink are, and how many a difficult situation have they not solved! I do not as a rule partake of alcoholic stimulants, so I left the party at this juncture to complete my duties for the day, as they were by no means finished. And as I entered the long drawing-room I discovered the missing Captain Tugwell. Now from the moment of his introduction to us I claimed that he was of very inferior mentality, and what I now saw convinced me that he was perhaps even feebleminded. For there was no one in the room—mind you, absolutely no one—and yet the man was laughing, conversing and making gestures. On my word of honor! He was leaning against the sofa, his back toward me, and he was alternately beating the air with his hands and slapping his knees with them, his shoulders shaking with almost silent mirth, and in a whisper he kept .saying over and over: " Rippin' ! Simplyn p pin' ! Oh, I say, rearly! it's too much !" And a lot more mere gibberish like that. On my word of honor! No wonder Mrs. DeWynt had to drop those people. They were impossible— you can see it for yourself. Absolutely impossible! Free Book New Methods chile ikeinin


1918_08_17--005_SP [The Vulgar Dollar]
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