Attempting to get out of a relationship with a subscription service these days often requires chatting with a robot designed to thwart your intentions either by talking you out of quitting or by upselling you to a more premium product. What follows is a lightly edited transcript of a chat that took up the better part of an hour with the maddeningly polite “Jointy” at SiriusXM.
Jointy: Hi, my name is Jointy. Thank you for contacting SiriusXM. I hope you’re healthy & fine.
You: I want to cancel please.
Jointy: That’s unfortunate to hear that you are considering cancellation. May I know the reason of cancellation to serve you better?
You: I’m not ‘considering’ canceling. I am cancelling. My car lease is ending.
Jointy: May I know when exactly the lease is ending?
You: I’d rather not say. Let’s make this easy and skip all the questions.
You: I don’t know what you mean by Trial.
Jointy: Let me check the Account. Do you have any plan to buy vehicle in near future?
Jointy: If you have any plan in near future then I have some exciting offers for you.
You: I just want to cancel please.
Jointy: Should I process the cancellation of subscription now or on the next renewal date?
VERY LONG PAUSE
You: Are we done?
Jointy: I’m working on it. While proceeding to cancellation, I see your Account is eligible for the Essential Streaming so that you can listen online on your mobile, computer, Alexa, Google device, tablet, etc as Streaming is independent of the Radio. So let me cancel the Radio and activate Essential Streaming.
You: Sure, if there’s no fee.
Jointy: No problem.
You: This is taking a long time. I have dinner plans. Are we done?
Jointy: I’m processing the cancellation.
You: Do I need to standby? Or can I disconnect?
Jointy: Today I cancelled your service. You have a remaining credit of $9.02 which may be used for other transactions today, or in the future. Any remaining balance may be refunded to you upon request.
You: I’d like to ask that it be refunded.
Jointy: A confirmation of this transaction will be sent to the email address on file, for your account within 5 days. I will be happy to process refund for you.
You: Thank you!
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