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July/August 2015 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up

In Issue:

A sunbather inspects her sunburned shoulder.

We think of the ’20s as nifty,
Though brokers on Wall Street were shifty,
And this flapper, for one,
Couldn’t ward off the sun
In the absence of SPF-50!

—Jeff Foster, San Francisco, California

Congratulations to Jeff Foster! For his limerick describing Penrhyn Stanlaws‘ illustration Sunburned Sunbather (above), Jeff wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.

Of course, Jeff’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks, from our runners-up, in no particular order:

She planned a whole day at the beach,
A book and a soda in reach,
But her eyes closed in sleep,
No one said a peep,
And now she’s as pink as a peach!

—Jean MacIver, Keystone Heights, Florida

Loretta would constantly boast
That HER tans were better than most.
Her bragging subsided,
When a child confided …
“That lady reminds me of toast.”

Said Larry the Lifeguard, “Have Fun,
But don’t fall asleep in the sun!”
The late Mrs. Corning
Ignored Larry’s warning
That, “sharks prefer people WELL-DONE.”

—Guy Pietrobono, Washingtonville, New York

She was boating, enjoying the view,
And the temperature reached 92.
She burned really bad,
And now she is sad.
Which makes the gal red, white, and “blue.”

—Joyce Petrichek, Finleyville, Pennsylvania

It seemed like such a good notion
To spend all day by the ocean
But I’d trade all the fun
I had in the sun
For a gallon of calamine lotion!

—Joe McMann, Katy, Texas

There once was a girl named Lorraine,
Who looked at white skin with disdain.
She thought that a tan ,
Would get her a man,
But all that she got was some pain!
—Angie Gyetvai, Old Castle, Ontario, Canada

The sun is a vile, ruthless mobster;
I’m burnt to a crisp like a lobster.
Oh, my, how I sizzle!
My beach day, a fizzle…
Some ointment? I’ll take a great gob, Sir.

—Lorraine Ray, Aiken, South Carolina

A fair-skinned young blonde went to Maui
In search of a tan that was Wowie!
Just a half-hour roast
Turned her into burnt toast.
Cool witch hazel eased not her owie.

—Claudia Kohlbrenner, Libertyville, Illinois

When Madge changed her first name to Scarlett,
She dreamed of becoming a starlet.
A very dark tan
Was part of her plan,
But now Scarlett really is Scarlet.

—Robert Boston, Clive, Iowa

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