Whether trick-or-treating, attending a boozy party, or escaping psychopathic murderers in the woods, everyone loves dressing in costume for Halloween. Here are the costumes that no one is wearing.
That’s right, Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven, the turn-of-the-century German-American Dadaist writer and artist! Trick-or-treaters haven’t yet caught on to the possibility of portraying the woman who may have been responsible for Marcel Duchamp’s “Fountain” sculpture. Perhaps she is still ahead of her time.
2. Baby Tax Attorney
Isn’t she cute? And a real wiz on the capital gains tax. Animals are a clear favorite costume choice for babies, but there is a lot of uncharted costume territory in the government and financial sectors.
3. Blockbuster Employee
Brick-and-mortar locations for movie rentals might as well be an enchanted fairyland these days. The teenage movie critic/cashier was an antiquated role in the media industry that could evoke incredulous stares from Generation Z members dressed as fidget spinners.
4. A Wholesome Clown
No sharp teeth, no maniacal grin; just a goofy jester who makes people laugh and doesn’t eat them. Is that so much to ask for?
5. The Creature from the Blue Lagoon
What could be creepier than Randal Kleiser’s 1980 film about marooned romance between two coming-of-age cousins?
6. Baby Chayote Squash
These firm Latin American fruits are excellent in stir fry, but maybe less desirable as an infant costume. The fist-sized, green squash is admittedly less iconic than a jack-o’-lantern, but it’s an easier costume than Baby Baby Kale.
7. Dog Lady Gaga
Dressing up your pooch as the eccentric pop sensation herself is an understandable goal, but nearly impossible. Gaga’s signature headpieces and delicate lace are too intricate for canine wear, and we all know how the meat dress goes over.
8. ’80s Costume
Who could forget the iconic fashion of the 1880s? Most people, apparently. The bustles and morning coats of the Gilded Age are rumored to be making a comeback. As if!
9. Sexy Blobfish
The “World’s Ugliest Animal,” according to CNN, is a deep-sea sac of loose skin with a bulbous nose called a blobfish. It’s a cross between Squidward and a failed jello mold. It would take a Halloween miracle to make this formless fish attractive.