July/August 2013 Limerick Laughs Contest Winner and Runners-Up

Just heat up the milk in some water—
The least you can do for her daughter.
She’s gracing your scene
With a figure serene.
You’re gonna make more than you oughta.
—Joan Kelley, Tucson, Arizona

Congratulations to Joan Kelley! For her limerick describing George Hughes’ illustration (left), Joan wins $25—and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.

Of course, Joan’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:

Henry, the short order cook,
Liked doing things by the book.
So warming a bottle
For Mrs. McCottle
Would certainly get her the look.

—Philip Lindal, Yale, Michigan

The day at the beach was fun,
But it soon got hot in the sun.
The baby rode
While I pushed the load—
An hour and I was done.

—Audrey Jordan, Hope, Indiana

His face was filled with chagrin,
Noting the spot he was in.
She sat so demur,
But of this he was sure,
Heating bottles did not make him grin.

—Robert Webster, Port Charlotte, Florida

I’m warming this bottle for you,
Cute baby with eyes of true blue.
Your mom’s smokin’ hot,
Wedding ring she has not,
How I wish I was still 22!

—Lori Rucker, Brentwood, Tennessee

The man, while he looks with distain
At the woman who he thinks is vain,
Heats in his pot,
The milk, till its hot.
Will she order some food? She abstains.

—John Reuscher, Novato, California

The baby will have to be fed.
The vendor plays nursemaid instead
Of selling his wares;
He just stands and stares
And frowns as the lady turns red.

—Lillian Holmes, Troy, Ohio

A cook grilling franks, and a beauty,
Attended, each one, to their duty.
Though each job had a name,
The result was the same.
They both kept an eye on a cutie.

—Patrick McKeon, Pennington, New Jersey

The chef at the beach hot-dog stand
Did not relish giving a hand.
A coke she did buy,
But he gave a mean eye
Cause the milk bottle was underhand.

—Antoinette DeAngelis, Sharpsville, Pennsylvania

Warming a bottle, not food,
May seem an odd way to intrude.
But if the intrusion
Is a pretty illusion,
Consider a new attitude.

—Richard Arnold, West Hartford, Connecticut