September/October 2013 Limerick Laughs Contest Winner and Runners-Up
The things I would do for Mom’s pie.
Her apple’s the best you could try,
With flavor so sweet,
A delectable treat.
When asked to get fruit, I comply.
—Doreen Graham of Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Of course, Doreen’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
When bobbing for apples, it’s true,
My sister knows just what to do.
You’d think from the bubbles
She’s having some troubles,
But she’s practiced static apnea too.
—Finley Gray of Depew, New York
There once was a schoolgirl named Grace
Who decided to enter a race
To bob for a pippin
But came up a-drippin’
With water all over her face.
— Ronald Faoro of Cheshire, Connecticut
She immerses her face with a grin,
The apple bob she wants to win.
It might make her wish,
That she was a fish,
Endowed with some gills and a fin!
—Angie Gyetvai of Oldcastle, Ontario, Canada
There once was a tomboy named Lou
Who bobbed head-to-head in the brew.
Her bob was quite ruthless
And left her one tooth less.
So what do you think—should she sue?
—Terry Free of Andover, Minnesota
The apple bobbed temptingly there,
So she tied back her long braided hair.
She closed her eyes tight
And attempted to bite,
But she lost it and came up for air.
—Bill Kohler of Derby, Connecticut
A pretty young girl named Robin
Had a hungry old horse named Dobbin.
To give him a bite
On this Halloween night,
For Dobbin, Miss Robin went bobbin’.
—Robert Alexander of Chattanooga, Tennessee
The girl had a very strange way,
If asked, here is what she would say,
“I dunk in my head,
‘Cause my doctor said
I must eat an apple a day.”
—Lenna Wyatt of Scottsdale, Arizona
There once was a girl called Lucy
Who went bobbing for apples so juicy.
She’d plunge underneath,
Make grabs with her teeth,
But shouldn’t have in a jacuzzi.
—Tom Williams of Waterlooville, Hampshire, UK
It’s said that an apple a day
Keeps all of the doctors away.
So in order to thrive,
I’ll take that cold dive!
It’s healthcare the easiest way!
—Mary Starn of Orrville, Ohio
A lass, who dived in past her chin,
Bobbed for apples, pulling up more than 10!
“If I blow through my nose
And keep my eyes closed,
I don’t see the worms. Double win!”
—Cathy Hall of Lilburn, Georgia
July/August 2013 Limerick Laughs Contest Winner and Runners-Up
Just heat up the milk in some water—
The least you can do for her daughter.
She’s gracing your scene
With a figure serene.
You’re gonna make more than you oughta.
—Joan Kelley, Tucson, Arizona
Congratulations to Joan Kelley! For her limerick describing George Hughes’ illustration (left), Joan wins $25—and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Joan’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
Henry, the short order cook,
Liked doing things by the book.
So warming a bottle
For Mrs. McCottle
Would certainly get her the look.—Philip Lindal, Yale, Michigan
The day at the beach was fun,
But it soon got hot in the sun.
The baby rode
While I pushed the load—
An hour and I was done.—Audrey Jordan, Hope, Indiana
His face was filled with chagrin,
Noting the spot he was in.
She sat so demur,
But of this he was sure,
Heating bottles did not make him grin.—Robert Webster, Port Charlotte, Florida
I’m warming this bottle for you,
Cute baby with eyes of true blue.
Your mom’s smokin’ hot,
Wedding ring she has not,
How I wish I was still 22!—Lori Rucker, Brentwood, Tennessee
The man, while he looks with distain
At the woman who he thinks is vain,
Heats in his pot,
The milk, till its hot.
Will she order some food? She abstains.—John Reuscher, Novato, California
The baby will have to be fed.
The vendor plays nursemaid instead
Of selling his wares;
He just stands and stares
And frowns as the lady turns red.—Lillian Holmes, Troy, Ohio
A cook grilling franks, and a beauty,
Attended, each one, to their duty.
Though each job had a name,
The result was the same.
They both kept an eye on a cutie.—Patrick McKeon, Pennington, New Jersey
The chef at the beach hot-dog stand
Did not relish giving a hand.
A coke she did buy,
But he gave a mean eye
Cause the milk bottle was underhand.—Antoinette DeAngelis, Sharpsville, Pennsylvania
Warming a bottle, not food,
May seem an odd way to intrude.
But if the intrusion
Is a pretty illusion,
Consider a new attitude.—Richard Arnold, West Hartford, Connecticut
May/June 2013 Limerick Laughs Contest Winner and Runners-Up
That girl in the pretty red dress
Is stuck in a terrible mess
Some nasty old boy
Has stolen her toy
No wonder she’s under such stress
—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
Congratulations to Neal Levin! For his poem describing the illustration at left by J.C. Leyendecker, Neal wins $25—and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, you can submit your limerick via the entry form here.
Of course, Neal’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite runners-up, in no particular order:
Bobby’s swinging my dolly so high.
I’m afraid she might fall from the sky.
He offered me first,
But I feared the worst,
So I told him my dolly’s not shy.—Rollin Keller, Lakewood, California
Jack does not impress me at all
By snatching my favorite doll.
His daredevil fling
Proves only one thing—
He’s just an obnoxious goofball.—Lynnda Cruz, Las Vegas, Nevada
My brother—how daring is he?
I just can’t believe what I see!
My favorite doll—
I hope she won’t fall.
But I wish (how I wish) it was me …—Doug Harris, Stockton-on-Tees, England
I once had a brother named Paul,
Who suddenly grabbed my best doll.
He swung her around
Barely missing the ground,
And I just couldn’t watch this at all.—Maggie Govanucci, Monroeville, Pennsylvania
Big brother was such a great tease
When taunting Samantha with ease.
Little sis couldn’t look
When her dolly he took
A ride on the backyard trapeze.—Jean Roeth, Springfield, Ohio
No matter how hard he tries,
My brother tells little white lies.
He said it would please her
If he could “trapeze” her.
I just hope my baby survives!—Sheldon R. Mielke, Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
I’m the kid on the flying trapeze.
Dolly rides as I swing by my knees.
Sis peeks through her fingers,
And though her fear lingers,
She knows I just do it to tease.—Joy Smith, Burlington, Wisconsin
From nowhere he suddenly came,
A boy playing some kind of game.
He snatched up my dolly,
My favorite sweet Molly,
He still seems to suffer no shame.—Marie Kreft, Arlington, Minnesota
She peeked through her fingers with hope
That her brother would stay on the rope.
For if he slipped from his seat,
To the floor he would leap,
And her doll would need more than just soap.—Warren S. Patrick, Townshend, Vermont