Comedians in the White House: Our Favorite Jokes by Presidents
“Thanks, folks. I’m here all this term.”
The president of the United State is supposed to represent the people of the country. And since we Americans have a sense of humor that is strong as it is broad, it’s not surprising that presidents can occasionally crack up their audiences.
Here are a few chuckles from our Chief Executives.
John Adams
on the legislature
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
Abraham Lincoln
of a political foe
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.”
Theodore Roosevelt
on corruption in Congress
“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.'”
Calvin Coolidge
to a woman sitting next to President Coolidge at a dinner party told him she’d bet a friend she could get at least three words of conversation out of him.
“You lose.”
Franklin Roosevelt
on being informed by an aide that Eleanor Roosevelt (who was conducting a fact-finding tour of a penitentiary) was “in prison.”
“I’m not surprised, but for what?”
John F. Kennedy
“I was almost late here today, but I had a very good taxi driver who brought me through the traffic jam. I was going to give him a very large tip and tell him to vote Democratic and then I remember some advice Senator Green had given me, so I gave him no tip at all and told him to vote Republican.”
Lyndon B. Johnson
addressing a Marine who said, “Mr. President, this is your helicopter over here.”
“They’re all mine, son.”
Jimmy Carter
on a late resurgence of his popularity
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me they use all their fingers.”
Ronald Reagan
on other politicians
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.”
Bill Clinton
describing the White House
“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”
George W. Bush
“No matter how tough it gets, however, I have no intention of becoming a lame-duck president. Unless, of course, Cheney accidentally shoots me in the leg.”
Barack Obama
on his name
”Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for ‘That One.’ And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn’t think I’d ever run for president.”
Donald Trump
on wife Melania Trump’s Republican National Convention speech
“The media is even more biased this year than ever before — ever. You want the proof? Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it — it’s fantastic. They think she’s absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech, and people get on her case.”
Featured image: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and George W. Bush in 2013 (Pete Souza, White House photo)