November/December 2018 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up

Illustration in red and black of a boy sprinkling salt on a large turkey's tail feathers.

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The best-tasting turkeys on earth
Are hand-salted daily from birth.
They taste of a brine
And pair well with white wine.
The salt even adds to their girth.

Congratulations to Jennifer Glancy of Alexandria, Virginia! For her limerick describing this J.F. Kernan illustration, she wins $25 and our gratitude for a job well done.

If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.

In no particular order, here are some of our other favorite entries to this limerick contest:

Assigned to provide the main course,
He decided the best means to force
The turkey to halt
Was to use table salt,
And thank God ’twas a bird not a horse!
—Paul Desjardins, West Kelowna, British Columbia

The turkey says, “Boy, am I sick
Of this salt-on-the-tail-feathers trick.
Would you please make a bid
At distracting this kid?
I’m talking to you now, St. Nick!”
—Jeff Foster, San Francisco, California

The boy salts a turkey lengthwise
As the cooks in the kitchen advise.
He seasons a wing
While forgetting one thing:
The bird must first meet its demise!
—Michelle Gordon, Airway Heights, Washington

Mr. Turkey is chock full of fear,
As Thanksgiving is soon to be here.
Now his mood is quite foul.
He’s bitter, so how’ll
I fix it? By salting his rear!
—Jennifer Klein, Jericho, New York

A young vegan boy thought it weird
To eat a large bird with a beard.
With wattles and snood,
How could this thing be food?
Seems more fitting to see it revered.
—Steven Koch, Williamsport, Pennsylvania

There once was a young boy named Horton
Who salted a turk’s tail with Morton.
This kid didn’t know
But he just made a foe
’Cause that method of catchin’ ain’t sportin’.
—Edward Perley, Downingtown, Pennsylvania

His ma said it wasn’t his fault.
It was too late when she yelled, “Please halt!”
She’d taught him to spice
When they cooked meat or rice,
But this was a turkey a-salt.
—Elaine Person, Orlando, Florida

You think that old saying is true?
Well, I have some bad news for you.
That “salt on my tail”
Will certainly fail,
And I’ll soon be “gobbling” too.
—Joyce Petrichek, Finleyville, Pennsylvania

To his aunt in a note that he posted,
“I’ll catch me a turkey,” Tom boasted.
“I’ll pour salt on his tail.”
She replied, “That will fail,
You don’t use the salt till he’s roasted.”
—Jane Silberto, Miller Place, New York

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