I had ordered a new set of weights,
’Cause the ad guaranteed I’d get dates.
When I called and complained
Not one date had I gained,
They suggested I open the crates.
Congratulations to Ken Morgan of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, who won $25 for this fun limerick describing this Kurt Ard cover illustration from March 14, 1959.
If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Here are some of our other favorite limericks from this contest, in no particular order:
Young Tommy just stifled a yawn.
He’s been lifting and stretching since dawn.
He’s been making some gains —
In addition to brains,
He hopes to be known for his brawn.
—Wendy Hyrkas, De Pere, Wisconsin
He was called Li’l Vin from Virginny
Whose arms were so terribly skinny.
Lifted weights to his chest,
Stretched those bands east to west;
He’s now known as Big Biceps Vinnie.
—Carol Torres, Pembroke Pines, Florida
Working out’s said to make you feel stronger,
But I think common wisdom is wrong there.
When I pull on this spring,
The one single thing
That I sense is my arms getting longer.
—Lisa Timpf, Simcoe, Ontario, Canada
I’ve no title, like barons and earls,
And I can’t afford diamonds or pearls.
But the life of a monk
I’ll avoid as a hunk;
With some muscles, I’ll surely get girls!
—Stephen Benko, Southport, Connecticut
I’m a nerd who’s quite smart. Can’t you tell?
Probabilities I can do well.
So … if lungs are expanded
As I have commanded,
Then muscles, in turn, ought to swell.
—Deborah McCarthy, South Pasadena, Florida
He struggled for muscles to flex
And dazzle the opposite sex.
But what did he get
For rivers of sweat?
Exhaustion and minuscule pecs.
—Margaret Ford, Decatur, Illinois
There once was a young man called Nate
Whose hormones kicked in far too late.
Though he tried biceps curls
To impress all the girls,
It didn’t help him get a date.
—Teresa Olive, Gig Harbor, Washington
He’s too young to know the sensation
Of a cold beer, or other libation.
You can see from the sketch
It’s a bit of a stretch,
But a six-pack’s his main motivation.
—Deborah Lee, North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
He hoped push-ups and crunches to start out,
And then weights — never leaving one part out —
Would build muscles each day,
Till at last he could say,
“Charles Atlas, you wimp, eat your heart out!”
—Sjaan VandenBroeder, Stockton, California
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