Contrariwise: “Keep It Down!”

It was a Tuesday when I discovered the absolute worst way to eat lunch. I was perusing the lunch menu from my booth at a local restaurant, but found myself losing focus. I was distracted. Why? Not far behind me, a television was airing some sports-related show with the sound on. At the same time, not far in front of me, another TV was airing the exact same show, also with the sound on, but almost two seconds later.

You can You can imagine imagine how irritating how irri- this -tating can this be can be.

The restaurant walls were covered with flat-panel TV screens — 11 in all — airing sports analysis, live soccer games, old football games, a movie from the early 2000s, and advertisements for tiny porcelain cats. Thankfully, the sound had been muted on most of them, but the TVs with sound on, the noise of lunch-goers, and the ever-present under-rumble of piped-in pop music created an environment that I found disquieting — in every sense of the word.

I would expect this at a sports bar, where people go specifically to be among friends and fans to watch the game and get a little loud, maybe even rowdy. (That’s why I avoid sports bars.) But this wasn’t a sports bar. It was a sit-down restaurant, the kind of place where people go to eat and catch up with friends and family. That is, to converse.

Which is a tough goal with all that noise.

I have read that some restaurateurs create cacophonous environments on purpose so they can turn around tables faster. Studies have shown that loud noise can cause a stress response, which leads to customers making bad menu choices, and can trigger the fight-or-flight response, which creates a sense of urgency. The ultimate effect of all that noise, then, is that customers order too much food, eat it quickly, and then get out, allowing the next paying customer to get in quicker.

Put another way, the goal is to stress you out intentionally so they can make more money. An inhospitable treatment from a business ostensibly in the hospitality industry.

And in a time when hearing loss is more prevalent than either cancer or diabetes, it can also be cruel.

It all comes down to ambience, to atmosphere, to creating a welcoming space.

Restaurateurs, if you truly appreciate your customers and want to build a corral of regulars (who leave bigger tips and better reviews), instead of buying a dozen TVs, use that money to invest in acoustic tile and other noise-dampening technologies. Let your customers speak to one another.

If you want your business’s ambience described as loud, chaotic, and rowdy, that’s certainly a valid choice. But I ask that you save people like me time and frustration by hanging a large sign out front that lets me know to dine elsewhere.

“Great Food, No Conversation” is catchy.

This article is featured in the January/February 2026 issue of The Saturday Evening Post. Subscribe to the magazine for more art, inspiring stories, fiction, humor, and features from our archives.