Could I have your birthdate?
You could, but it would be a remarkable coincidence.
That’s part of a conversation I had a few weeks ago with the cashier at the supermarket. I was buying some cough medicine, along with chicken, carrots, corn, mouthwash, and those Riesen candies, which are insanely delicious but sometimes get stuck in my teeth. She asked me for my birthdate because I was buying cough medicine to help me get rid of a nagging cough. I guess there are a lot of addictive ingredients in cough medicine, and they want to make sure I’m not 16 years old and sharing it with my buddies on a Friday night.
I gave my age, and she punched the numbers into the register.
I was a little surprised by her question. Not completely, because I know that CVS and other stores are locking up razor blades, something else that’s maddening, but it’s odd that an adult has to prove their age at the supermarket when it’s just one item among 30 others that they’re buying. Cough medicine is something that people have bought for a century with no problem.
Apparently, I can buy sharp knives and painkillers and dangerous, corrosive cleaning fluids and not have to prove my age, but buying cough medicine is beyond the pale.
I paid by debit card, and I was wondering what would have happened if I had tried to pay with cash. Would they have looked at me funny? Maybe they would have thought I was paying in cash because I didn’t want any kind of electronic trail tied to my name when buying cough medicine. Like I was making a drug deal.
Do they really think I’m going to get hooked on a cough suppressant? There are so many other better-tasting substances I could take too much of (and have), why would I choose Formula 44? Do I look that desperate? And just because I’m old enough, why does that prove to the store that I’m not going to use the cough medicine incorrectly? Do only underage people abuse it?
When I buy alcohol at the liquor store, they don’t ask me for my birthdate. They don’t even ask for an ID anymore, because of my baldness and the specks of white in my beard. I haven’t had to show a proof of age in probably 30 years. I could buy 75 bottles of Plymouth Gin, a box of matches, and a book on the history of arson, and they wouldn’t bat an eye. But I have to prove I’m of age when I buy something to help me get over a cough.
And I didn’t have to show my ID to this cashier either. She simply believed me when I told her my birthdate, or she didn’t care because she probably has to ask the question several times a day. I could have said anything that sounded realistic. November 9, 1972! March 13, 1980! August 22, 1946!
Okay, I hope she would have questioned that last one. I don’t look that old.
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Comments
Bob, your essay hit home because I had to show a photo ID last time I bought prosecco at my local supermarket. I asked why, and the clerk answered that they’d just been nicked for selling alcohol to a minor. I’d rather have them ask than see them closed down for screwing up. As for August 22, 1946, I don’t look that old, either, or so people tell me when they guess my age wrong, but you missed my birthday by less than two months. Maybe they’ll card me for razor blades next time.
Bob, what a perfect topic for Here On Main Street. I can relate to many of your noted frustrations. A few of the prescriptions I take require me to show my driver’s license. The pharmacy technician then enters my DL # into the computer managed system and I am handed my prescription. I know prescriptions aren’t the same classification as cough syrup but the same thought still applies. That is “Why would I share my meds with someone else?” Of course we wouldn’t do something this nefarious. You treated this topic with humor and by so doing made the article fun to read. Keep up the good work.
Do they ask your age when you buy condoms ?
Your perspective is refreshing! Healthy skepticism is such a good thing. It helps us understand absurdity, and allows us the pleasure of not having to accept everything that comes our way as valid and true. As an aside, many decades ago I worked with teens who drank the liquid in containers for Stridex medicated pads because they contained alcohol…ugh! But they were able to legally buy it. Is it even possible to draft a law, or even rules of use, for every kind of human behavior encountered? No.
I wonder if a false birth date would deny your credit/debit card.
Where I usually shop I am required to show ID to buy alcoholic beverages, and I am nearly 70 years old. What makes it all the more surreal is that long ago, as a baby faced 16 year old, I routinely got away with not being carded.
Anything (and everything) to make life harder Bob, with this complete stupidity in every aspect of life now. Undoubtedly it’s contributed to your having a cough and cold (?) at this time. I don’t care for CVS, preferring Walgreens.
Anyhow, there’s no reason you should have to suffer with this any longer than is absolutely necessary. NyQuil should have just the thing for what ails you. Naturally always read the label to make sure it’s safe/works with your body chemistry.
If a sleep enhanced version works, I’d go with that one, for it’ll knock your cold out, while you’re out cold!
They asked for my age when I tried to buy briefs. They turned me down.