July/August 2015 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
We think of the ’20s as nifty,
Though brokers on Wall Street were shifty,
And this flapper, for one,
Couldn’t ward off the sun
In the absence of SPF-50!
—Jeff Foster, San Francisco, California
Congratulations to Jeff Foster! For his limerick describing Penrhyn Stanlaws‘ illustration Sunburned Sunbather (above), Jeff wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Jeff’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks, from our runners-up, in no particular order:
She planned a whole day at the beach,
A book and a soda in reach,
But her eyes closed in sleep,
No one said a peep,
And now she’s as pink as a peach!—Jean MacIver, Keystone Heights, Florida
Loretta would constantly boast
That HER tans were better than most.
Her bragging subsided,
When a child confided …
“That lady reminds me of toast.”Said Larry the Lifeguard, “Have Fun,
But don’t fall asleep in the sun!”
The late Mrs. Corning
Ignored Larry’s warning
That, “sharks prefer people WELL-DONE.”—Guy Pietrobono, Washingtonville, New York
She was boating, enjoying the view,
And the temperature reached 92.
She burned really bad,
And now she is sad.
Which makes the gal red, white, and “blue.”—Joyce Petrichek, Finleyville, Pennsylvania
It seemed like such a good notion
To spend all day by the ocean
But I’d trade all the fun
I had in the sun
For a gallon of calamine lotion!—Joe McMann, Katy, Texas
There once was a girl named Lorraine,
Who looked at white skin with disdain.
She thought that a tan ,
Would get her a man,
But all that she got was some pain!
—Angie Gyetvai, Old Castle, Ontario, Canada
The sun is a vile, ruthless mobster;
I’m burnt to a crisp like a lobster.
Oh, my, how I sizzle!
My beach day, a fizzle…
Some ointment? I’ll take a great gob, Sir.—Lorraine Ray, Aiken, South Carolina
A fair-skinned young blonde went to Maui
In search of a tan that was Wowie!
Just a half-hour roast
Turned her into burnt toast.
Cool witch hazel eased not her owie.—Claudia Kohlbrenner, Libertyville, Illinois
When Madge changed her first name to Scarlett,
She dreamed of becoming a starlet.
A very dark tan
Was part of her plan,
But now Scarlett really is Scarlet.—Robert Boston, Clive, Iowa
March/April 2015 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
Blow out the candles they say.
I see her coming my way.
A birthday kiss,
She plants without miss.
Ray gasps a muffled, “No WAY!”
—Lisa Radtke, Sussex, Wisconsin
Congratulations to Lisa Radtke! For her limerick describing Francis Tipton Hunter’s illustration Birthday Kiss (above), Lisa wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Lisa’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks, from our runners-up, in no particular order:
Little brother was taking a peek
As she kissed Charlie Clark on the cheek;
When he said, “I’ll tell Mum!”
She replied, “Don’t be dumb,
Or I’ll tell her what you did last week!”
—John Bayly, Hawthorn, Victoria, Australia
They’re young now, but wait till they’re older.
That boy will most likely be bolder.
Then the girl might be shy,
But the gleam in her eye
Will tell him she wants him to hold her.She knew she had made a mistake
When she pilfered the last piece of cake —
There was plenty amiss,
But she gave him a kiss
And went home with a big bellyache.—Linda Meacham,Red Wing, Minnesota
When kissing, a basic technique
Is giving a peck on the cheek.
But sometimes a spy
May be lurking nearby
And instead of a peck, gets a peek.
—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
It’s no fun when a pal sneaks a peek
At a torturous peck on the cheek.
But a blessing is found:
There’s no iPhone around
For an Instagram Pic of the Week.
—Jeff Foster, San Francisco, California
The party kiss left his head in a whirl,
And his toes were beginning to curl.
But a buddy was peeking,
And off he ran, shrieking,
“Hey, Marty was just smooched — by a GIRL!”
—Glenn Hackney, Fairbanks, Alaska
Now, because of a kiss and a squeeze,
He’s the one all his buddies will tease.
But in a few years or more
With girlfriends by the score,
They’ll all want his secrets to please.His face shows no sign of bliss
At receiving so ardent a kiss,
But just 10 birthdays more
And his heart will soar
When he gets one from some pretty miss.
—Colleen Zethmayr, Valley Center, California
Since she first eyed the boy she was smitten.
Waiting for the right chance — what a kitten.
His birthday seemed right
Soon that very night,
With a sweet kiss, the love bug had bitten.
—Janette Hattis, Gowen, Michigan
At a party a fellow named Willie
Got a kiss from a sweetie named Millie.
It was witnessed by Fred.
Willie cried; Mill went red.
Their passion, I think, turned quite chilly!
—Sonia Schork, Sierra Vista, Arizona
This really pretty young girl
Is ready to give love a twirl.
This boy she will kiss
With never a miss,
But is he ready to give love a whirl?
—Ken Groner, Seven Hills, Ohio
Hey, there are no presents back here,
And why are you standing so near?
Let go of my neck!
I don’t want a peck.
I wish that I could disappear.
—Hannah Holt, Hillsboro, Oregon
Jan/Feb 2015 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
There once was a man on two skis,
Schussing around as he pleased.
The story was told,
That he had a cold,
And fell every time that he sneezed.
—Phillip Belfiori, Bel Air, Maryland
Congratulations to Phillip Belfiori! For his limerick describing Constantin Alajálov’s illustration Snow Skier After the Falls (above), Phillip wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Philip’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
There was a young athlete named Grier,
Who fancied himself quite the skier.
Well, he could be best
When put to the test —
If only he’d learned how to steer.
—Michelle Gordon, Airway Heights, Washington
On the slopes we were going our fastest
When a good-looking girl came to pass us
My buddy got lost
And paid the cost
Now I’m out a new pair of glasses
—Brite Templeton, Scottsdale, Arizona
If losing your clothes as you go
Makes skiing much faster than slow
How quickly you’ll fly
When the last pole goes by
As bare-skinned you tear through the snow
— Clarissa Jahn, Taylor Ridge, Illinois
He thought it would be such a breeze
To learn how to use his new skis.
Such delusions of youth!
He’s discovered the truth:
It requires some real expertise.
—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
This wee bunny hill is a snap
I could run it while taking a nap
You can see this is so
From clear prints in the snow
The facts bear this clearly, Old Chap
—Betty Checkett, St. Louis, Missouri
A terrible skier from Wight
Filled all on lookers with fright;
But each time he fell
He declared, “Oh, well, ”
It’s not easy to be upright!
—Sally Butler, Frostburg, Maryland
I skied down a treacherous slope
Of grace I had clearly no hope!
I lost this and that-
Scarf, mittens and hat
And managed to look like a dope!
—Peggy Proud-Edwards, Aurora, Illinois
To do my personal best
Is today’s daunting test,
I’ll be able to say
I did it my way,
No keeping up with the rest!
—Marilyn Zielke, Bruce, Wisconsin
Nov/Dec 2014 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
There’s an axiom simply absurd
That says boys should be seen and not heard.
But this lad was so weak,
That he just couldn’t speak
After eating the whole of that bird!
—Keith Channing, Saint-Maigner, Puy-de-Dome, France
Congratulations to Keith Channing! For his limerick describing J.C. Leyendecker’s illustration After Turkey Nap (above), Keith wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Keith’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
In school there had been nothing but rushes
To learn all about ,,, and +++.
But now in his bed,
Soft pillow for head,
His sleep takes away all the fusses
—Val Cheatham, Witchita, Kansas
This chap’s full of great Christmas dinner.
The wishbone is his. He’s a winner,
But if he keeps snoozing,
He could end up losing
His prize to a bone-stealing sinner.
—Janice Canerdy, Potts Camp, Mississippi
The boy is Patrick O’Loring.
He thinks Thanksgiving is boring.
Before mom could serve
The mashers with herbs,
The kid was already snoring.
—Jimmy Peterson, Houston, Texas
The wishbone attests to his meal,
And turkey has lost its appeal.
The laddie is stuffed.
His tummy is puffed.
Nap time has set in for real.
—Fran Million, Fremont, Nebraska
There was a young fellow named Ned,
Who needed to get to his bed.
Though dinner had ended,
With grown-ups long winded,
He had to recline just his head.
—Joan O’Kelley, Hoschton, Georgia
For you and your pal’s wish to come true
You both gotta snap that wishbone in two,
So let’s start by ignoring
The sleeping and snoring—
Grab that wishbone and do more than just chew.
—Terry Free, Andover, Minnesota
This sleepy boy isn’t so tough.
He’s had a hard day — it’s been rough.
If he can’t stay alert,
He’ll miss his dessert.
He’s eaten quite more than enough.
—Joye Greenwalt, Nacogdoches, Texas
The climax of Thanksgiving Day —
His new dreams are well underway.
High hopes he’ll postpone.
He’ll save that wishbone
‘Cause Christmas ain’t that far away.
—Lynnda Cruz, Las Vegas, Nevada
Thought the food for the feast was complete
Till I saw how my nephew could eat.
He kept asking for more.
Had to run to the store.
Then, at last, he dozed off in his seat!
—JoAnn White, Westfield, Massachusetts
This hungry American chap
Ate every last smidgen and scrap.
Now dinner has ended.
(And wasn’t it splendid!)
It’s time for a well-deserved nap.
—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
The little boy’s smile was a winner,
As he eyed the remains of his dinner.
A turkey surprise
Too big for his eyes
Made him snooze ’til his tummy got thinner.
—Alison Webster, Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom
Sept/Oct 2014 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
I asked on her annual all-nighter
Did the moon glow make Halloween brighter?
She gave nary a blink,
But with one naughty wink,
Said, “Moonshine makes broomsticks much lighter.”
—Terry Free, Andover, Minnesota
Congratulations to Terry Free! For her limerick describing Eugene Iverd’s illustration Witches’ Night Out (above), Terry wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Terry’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
There once was a witch named Min
Who owned an unfortunate chin.
And, to add to her woes,
Just look at her nose!
It seems the poor thing just can’t win!—Betty Checkett, St. Louis, Missouri
October above Cincinnati:
A witch who’s a little bit catty
Is stuck in a jam.
She believes it’s a scam,
And it’s certainly driving her batty.—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
That witch is one scary sight
As she flies on her broom through the night.
Small children decide
That it’s safer inside
As they cover their heads in their fright.—Pat Chambers, Atlantic Beach, North Carolina
Brunhilda, the witch, and her broom
Through gloomy dark nights they would zoom.
A bat got in the way
To Brunhilda’s dismay;
They crashed with a real loud KABOOM.—William MacQuarrie, Omaha, Nebraska
The wicked old witch of the East
By moonlight seeks out a great feast.
She dines on dead lizards.
Seeks out bloody gizzards,
And sweets is what she likes the least.—John Meyer, LaJolla, California
The sickening things that were seen
In the sky made me turn yellow-green.
When the goblins and witches
Caused tremors and twitches,
I knew it must be Halloween.—Ronald Faoro, Cheshire, Connecticut
At the sight of this black magic shower,
I crawled under my bed and did cower.
Were they looking for souls
To drag into dark holes?
Or was it the witches’ rush hour?—Patrick McKeon, Pennington, New Jersey
Miss Grizelda and all of her crones
Were preparing to rattle some bones,
But their plans went awry
When, out of the sky,
Came a pack of mysterious drones!—Vivian Barrington, Jasper, Texas
Air traffic is busy tonight
and advancing takes all of my might!
With no zip or zoom
just a wobbly old broom,
a plane might be better for flight!—Dolores M. Sahelian, Mission Viejo, California
In spite of their usual contentions,
The witches show up at conventions.
They must be there soon
By the light of the moon.
Their union is asking for pensions.—Rosemary Lombard, Hillsboro, Oregon
July/Aug 2014 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
The cow that jumped over the moon
Crashed our picnic today at noon!
We’re in udder despair;
We’re missing a pair
’Cause the dish ran away with the spoon!
—Katharine Wallace, Florence, Alabama
Congratulations to Katharine Wallace! For her limerick describing J.C. Leyendecker’s illustration Cow Joins the Picnic (above), Katharine wins $25 — and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Katharine’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
Hey! Why are you running away?
I only came over to play.
And this prob’ly sounds rude,
But could I have some food?
I do get quite tired of hay.—Margie Eisenhower, Rancho Cordova, California
There once was a cow named Louise,
Who wandered around in the breeze.
She spotted a bunch
Who were eating lunch,
And chased them away with a sneeze.—Peter Bosse, Millis, Massachusetts
The next time I wish on a star
I’ll be careful just what my words are.
Because I love steak,
I made a mistake,
And forgot to say grilled in a bar.—Ross Simpson, Wickenburg, Arizona
Now this scene may look bad at first glance,
All those people scared out of their pants.
But I’ve got a hunch
At that nice picnic lunch
That cow also squashed all the ants.—Paul Troglia, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
They had eaten so much ’twas a sin.
So they sliced their dessert cake quite thin.
But they never did eat
Cause they all had to beat it
When a guest, uninvited, horned in.—John Peacock, West Dundee, Illinois
The farmer forgot to milk Daisy,
Partaking a chance to be lazy.
Their picnic got messed
As she crashed through their nest,
Since milk weight was driving her crazy!—Doreen Graham, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
There once was a family named Dunn,
A picnic, they thought,
would be fun.
But Bossy showed up
uninvited to sup,
How fast that made Mama Dunn run!—Dianne Boylan, Lowell, Indiana
There once was a friendly bovine
Who thought eating out was divine.
She’s loving the picnic.
The cake is terrific.
And eating alone is just fine.—Cindy Nutter, Coon Rapids, Minnesota
A cow with a hoof in our pie,
Was complaining quite loudly, “Oh, my!
“The herd’s due for tea,
“Grass-cookies at three,
“But your picnic is covering the rye!”—Caralou Strahley, Paulding, Ohio
There was a young heifer named Rhonda
Who, into a picnic, did wanda
Then she thought in surprise,
As folks ran for their lives,
“What a pity they couldn’t stay longa.”—Michelle Gordon, Airway Heights, Washington
March/April 2014 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
There once was a rooster named Sunny
In love with a young hen named Honey.
Pink, yellow, and blue
Her eggs were a clue
She’s more than just friends with the Bunny.
—Jane Yunker, St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin
Congratulations to Jane Yunker! For her limerick describing Kenneth Stuart’s illustration (above), Jane wins $25—and our gratitude for a job well done. If you’d like to enter the Limerick Laughs Contest for our upcoming issue, submit your limerick via our online entry form.
Of course, Jane’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
She’s obviously proud of her layin’
Old Rudy’s concern he’s displayin’
But back in the coop
The girls know the scoop.
And who is the Dad they’re not sayin’
—Steve Boneske, Greenfield, New York
Said Rooster to his own dismay:
“Not my hens, such eggs, no way!
There’s but one cock so bold
To make me cluckhold;
That rascal they call Fabergé!”
—William D. Conrad, Vancouver, Washington
They couldn’t tell who was who,
Each egg was a different hue.
Though the hen smiled,
The rooster was riled.
Oh what a ‘fowl’ thing to do!
Louis DiSanto, St. Paul, Minnesota
The rooster who crowed to his honey
Was alarmed when their eggs turned out funny,
He screeched to his hen
“We’ll try it again,
“After donating this batch to the Bunny.”
—Terry Free, Andover, Minnesota
When he looked down, the rooster recoiled
As his plans for a family were spoiled.
While the eggs all looked good
He gave up fatherhood
When he saw that his kids were hardboiled.
—John Peacock, West Dundee, Illinois
Alas, my curiosity begs.
What have you done to those eggs?
The last I knew
My blood line was blue.
Could they have walked in without legs?
—Andrew Janik, Hadley, New York
The hen liked her colored eggs best,
Having left the plain ones in the nest.
But the haughty old rooster,
No Easter egg booster,
Told her to go sit on the rest.
—Ben Lightfoot, Hanston, Kansas
Of all the ridiculous things!
My poor decorated offsprings.
When hatched from the eggs,
They’ll have stems for legs,
And petals all over their wings!
—Angie Gyetvai, Oldcastle, Ontario
This new batch of eggs that we’ve gotten?
I’m feeling like something is rotten.
You’re trying to hide
Some tail on the side,
A tail that (I’m betting) is cotton.
—Jim Schweitzer, Elkhorn, Wisconsin
January/February 2014 Limerick Laughs Winner and Runners-Up
I’ve been shovelin’ this sidewalk for hours,
And it’s quite nearly robbed all me powers.
But the toil’s not the reason,
Tis all of the sneezin’.
You see’s, I’m allergic to flowers.
—John Eggerton, Springfield, Virginia
Of course, John’s limerick wasn’t the only one we liked! Here are some of our favorite limericks from our runners-up, in no particular order:
A florist named Tropical Joe
Was weary of shoveling snow.
His balmy green thumb
Froze up and turned numb,
And resentment was all he could grow.
—Michelle Barnes, Gainesville, Florida
My job as a sweeper is tough;
I really have had quite enough.
I surely am through,
Because all I do
Is heave around forkfuls of fluff.
—David Warren, Lake Oswego, Oregon
It’s hard to clean up snow,
You can’t use a rake or a hoe.
A shovel is best
When put to the test,
Until the wind starts-in to blow.
—Cathy Fleming, Coal City, Illinois
This cold weather gives me the blues.
It freezes my gloves and my shoes.
I shovel this stuff,
But I’ve had enough—
Next winter I’m booking a cruise!
—Mary Starn, Orrville, Ohio
Forecasters do have a knack
For inches of snow keeping track.
Some think it’s pretty.
But for those in the city,
The snow is a pain in the back.
—Tim Cannon, Osceola, Iowa
Although I don’t mean to be picky,
This weather’s incredibly icky.
Too bad there’s a guard in
the front of that garden.
Now getting inside will be tricky.
—Neal Levin, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
There was an old fellow named Cox,
Who spent his life shoveling rocks.
Said he got his powers
From sniffing the flowers;
He was a delightful old fox.
—Bill Jones, Johnstown, Pennsylvania
The shop called the Tropical Bloom
Is filled with a floral perfume
That’s cheerful and gracious,
A delightful oasis,
From winter’s unstoppable gloom.
—Buffy Silverman, Augusta, Michigan
It is not really quite apropos
That the flower men must shovel snow.
But they must sell their posies
If it means frozen toesies,
Since the bank account’s running so low.
—Patrick McKeon, Pennington, New Jersey
There once was a shoveler named Ray,
A situation he thought gross and gray.
He hated ice slush
Like so much dead mush,
So he hopped the next flight to L.A.
—Terry Free, Andover, Minnesota
Oh me, oh my, what a mess.
This will certainly be a test
For two men with shovels
To be quick on the double,
So ladies will not be distressed.
—Judy Shannon, Huntsville, Missouri
Limerick Laughs for November/December 2010
The Saturday Evening Post will award $100 to the author of the winning limerick for this picture.
Limericks must contain five lines. Entries will not be returned. Enter as many times as you wish.
The Nov/Dec 2010 Limerick Laughs winner will be announced in the Mar/Apr 2011 issue. Entries must be postmarked by December 6, 2010.
Send entries on a postcard to:
Limerick Laughs
The Saturday Evening Post
1100 Water way Blvd.
Indianapolis, IN 46202
We extend our congratulations and $100 to Paige Schenker, Sierra Madre, California, for the Jul/Aug 2010 winning entry.
This man’s in a bit of a crunch.
Too quickly he bragged to this bunch
That in a very short time,
He’d make dinner sublime.
Let’s just hope they all ate a late lunch.
Honorable mentions
“There’s nothing to it!” He’d boast.
He’d be both the chef and the host.
But now is the hour,
He’s waist-deep in flour,
And his poor guests may have to eat toast.
—Ruby Denton, Indianapolis, Indiana
The boss is over tonight,
Expecting a gourmet delight.
Bob’s got the notion
He’ll get a promotion,
So he’d better get this meal right!
—Robert M. Dillow, Bel Air, Maryland
Limerick Laughs
The Saturday Evening Post will award $100 to the author of the winning limerick for this picture.
Limericks must contain five lines. Entries will not be returned. Enter as many times as you wish.
The Sep/Oct 2010 Limerick Laughs winner will be announced in the Jan/Feb 2011 issue. Entries must be postmarked by October 6, 2010.
Send entries on a postcard to:
Limerick Laughs
The Saturday Evening Post
1100 Waterway Blvd.
Indianapolis, IN 46202
We extend our congratulations and $100 to Mary Ann Pendleton, Waxhaw, North Carolina, for the May/Jun 2010 winning entry.
One day after golf he came home,
Found his wife putting balls all alone.
With her putter lined up,
The ball rolled in the cup,
And all he could do then was groan.
Honorable mentions go to:
As Lou stood there perplexed and in awe,
His cigar fell as he dropped his jaw.
Since Mabel’s putt was on line
He moaned, “It’s better than mine,”
And he wasn’t sure he liked what he saw.
—Jan Streilein from Aiken, South Carolina
She said at home she’d be quite content,
So off to play golf with his pals he went.
When he left his spouse
To “putter around the house,”
This is not what he thought she meant!
—Jane Grau from Charlottesville, Virginia