The Kindness Contagion

In an era that feels increasingly divided, the timeless lessons we learned as children feel more poignant than ever: Share your toys, invite the new kid to play, if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing. Often encapsulated as the Golden Rule — treat others as you wish to be treated — these early affirmations still linger in our collective adult memories. Not only have we (hopefully) practiced them, we’ve also likely passed them down to our next of kin for the same reasons our elders did: Being empathetic, generous, and considerate are the building blocks of good relationships, neighborhoods, workplaces, and societies. An added bonus: Improved mental and physical health is an upshot of spreading kindness too. Plus, it just feels good to do good.

There’s a reason for that according to experts studying the effects of kindness — it’s called elevation.

“Some describe it as feeling inspired and positive. They describe tears in their eyes, a lump in their throat, a warm feeling,” says Dan Fessler, a professor of biological anthropology at UCLA and the inaugural director (2019-2024) of the university’s Bedari Kindness Institute.

During Fessler’s time as director, he and a team of research assistants conducted several experiments on the streets of L.A. and around the UCLA campus, offering $5 to participants. Some were shown a video of a guy performing random acts of kindness (giving up a seat to a woman on the train, offering money to someone on the street); others were shown a video of a guy performing remarkable gymnastic and athletic feats, but not helping anyone. Participants were then given the promised cash and asked if they would like to donate to Mattel Children’s Hospital.

Fessler and his team found that those who watched the altruistic video and reported feelings of elevation were motivated to imitate the good deeds they observed, as well as do other good deeds when presented with the opportunity; they also donated the cash, often pitching in more of their own. Those who watched the other video, for the most part, did not donate.

Multiple variations of the experiment were conducted, and Fessler summed up the results: “It’s actually pretty simple. If we behave consistently, in a very self-conscious way, including towards those whom we would normally disagree with, the result can be that we enhance their expectations of kindness and in turn their motivations to behave in a similar fashion.”

In other words, it’s a ripple effect, with some waves bigger than others. Practicing what he studies, Fessler cites a phone banking stint he took on for the recent presidential election, during which he tried hard not to succumb to the motivation to be hostile toward those with whom he disagreed, something we see daily in communities and on TV.

“These aren’t bad people. They just think differently than I do, and in some cases have been told things that are untrue. I don’t think I persuaded anyone to vote for my candidate, but at the very least I eroded their supposition that people on the other side are not worthy of consideration. It’s a step.”

The Ripple Effect

The idea of kindness being dropped in our human pool like a pebble into a lake and rippling toward distant horizons might seem a tad idealistic, but for Aaliyah Kissick, one small “stone” made a huge splash.

The financial literacy advocate and certified financial planning candidate from Athens, Illinois, recalls the summer before her senior year of high school where she struggled to do well. Realizing she was more of a hands-on learner, she set up a boutique in her garage stocked with some of her old clothing and thrift store finds, then stood on the sidewalk for two days in a row, trying to lure a single customer with a cardboard sign. On the third day, a woman stopped by and purchased a $5 shirt. This kick started Kissick’s devotion to learning everything she could about running her own business. She went on to set up pop-up boutiques at local fairs and even opened two brick-and-mortar stores (AK Boutique) before enlisting with the National Guard. Kissick ultimately earned a Master’s degree from the Gies College of Business at the University of Illinois, where she met her husband.

“I don’t know who that woman was, but I do believe she saw me in the neighborhood giving it my all and decided to give me a chance,” says Kissick. “Her small act absolutely changed my life.”

Kissick had no way to know how this seemingly insignificant deed would affect her, but Dr. Esther Zeledón, founder and motivational speaker at BeActChange and the author of Creating Your Limitless Life, often enjoys the immediate gratification of seeing kind acts work their magic first. As avid travelers, she and her husband Dr. Paul Rivera bring small gifts along when they travel, something that started prior to the pandemic but has since become a family tradition. Their son and daughter, 8 and 10, are into it too.

“We noticed airline employees were often overtired, never thanked, and faced demands all day,” says Zeledón. “Now, every time we travel, we carry gifts, such as handmade necklaces and bracelets, Starbucks gift cards or chocolate bars, or whatever feels right at the time.”

The gratitude and appreciation are overwhelming, says Zeledón, and has resulted in warm connections with strangers. But what’s more important is what the new family tradition is teaching her children.

“My son now wants to show kindness daily to people on the street. My daughter has become a detailed gift-giver to her friends and grand-parents,” says Zeledón. “This has shown them they have the power, even at their young age, to make a positive difference in the world.”

Be the Change

Ace Christopherson-Bilbruck, 9, from Orange County, California, harnessed his kindness power at the age of 7 and is bringing other kids along for the ride as the CEO of Ace of Hearts, an organization dedicated to spreading love, kindness, and joy. It’s an idea that sparked when Ace came home from school and told his dad, Bob Bilbruck, that he wanted to be like St. Nicholas, but instead of delivering toys to kids in December, he wanted to deliver toys to kids in August.

“We told Ace if he saved up his money, he could do it and we would help him. He did and we bought the toys and delivered them to foster kids, and the Ace of Hearts Project was started.”

The non-profit now has a board of directors made up of kids under 10 years old that meets once a month. They brainstorm ideas such as toy drives and write letters of love to children in foster care, orphanages, and hospitals. They also pen heartfelt words to senior citizens in independent and assisted living communities and have partnered with organizations such as Olive Crest, Challenged Athletes Foundation, Miracles for Kids, and Fish For Life. Ace of Hearts estimates they’ve donated more than 1,000 toys and written more than 3,000 letters since their founding.

When asked why he thinks it’s important to be kind, Ace summed it up in words as timeless as that Golden Rule proffered to us when we were his age: “It’s important to be kind because no one should feel bad.”

We don’t need science to tell us what this young philanthropist already knows to be true. Sometimes the answer is just that simple.

Kimberley Lovato is a freelance travel writer and author of the recently published children’s book Pisa Loves Bella, which leans into themes of kindness.