Jimmy Durante: Winner by a Nose

In 1950, the Post caught up with the great and "exubilant" Jimmy Durante.

Hollywood great Jimmy Durante
(Pictorial Press Ltd / Alamy Stock Photo)

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Originally published July 15, 1950

The average man or woman with a physical peculiarity finds it a little embarrassing, and members of the acting profession regard a slightly prognathous jaw or thick ankles as nothing short of a calamity. But for the past 27 years one entertainer has gloried in his ugliness. That man, of course, is Jimmy Durante, who has frequently boasted, “Dere’s a million good-lookin’ guys, but I’m a novelty!” Durante is the proud possessor of an ugly, oversized nose. He is short, almost entirely bald, recessive-chinned, weasel-eyed, and sloping-headed.

He is also barely literate. I first met Durante about five years ago on a train traveling from Los Angeles to Chicago. We got into a heated argument over the correct pronunciation of Minneapolis. Durante claimed it was “Minneanapolis.” He claimed I had “Minneanapolis” mixed up with “Inneapolis,” the latter being a well-known city in Inneana.

What Jimmy does to words shouldn’t happen to a thesaurus. He says “ cazzmaclismic” for cataclysmic, “catastroscope” for catastrophe, and “exubilant” for exuberant .

Fred Allen, Jimmy Durante and Jack Benny
Wordsmith extraordinaire: Durante (center, with Fred Allen and Jack Benny) was known to prefer “cazzmaclismic” to “cataclysmic” and “neuralgia” to “nostalgia.” (Gene Lester, © SEPS)

Asked by his press agent if he cared to take a trip to his old Bowery haunts as a stunt for a magazine layout, Jimmy sighed, smiled gently, and said, “Sure. I got a real neuralgia for da old place.”

Upon being asked if he ever did any reading, he replied, “Sure, I read. I read ally time. I read books, see, but strictly nonfriction.”

He can’t speak grammatically no matter how hard he tries, and he insists that all his malapropisms are pulled off in good faith.

A few weeks ago, somebody explained to him what a split infinitive was. He drank in the information with relish and mulled over it. Finally, he chortled, “I don’t split ’em. When I goes to woik on an infinitive, I break it up in little pieces.”

For all that, Jimmy is an extremely peaceable and shy soul, and a devout Roman Catholic.

His letters to friends are filled with such phrases as, “with the help of God,” “God rest his soul,” and “may God bless you.”

When an acquaintance once asked him why he gave away so many ten-dollar bills to cadgers waiting outside the stage door of a theater he was playing, Durante looked off into space. Then he replied, very softly and slowly, “Yuh gotta be good. That’s what we’re put on earth for — to be good.”

—“The Great Schnozzola” by Maurice Zolotow, July 15, 1950

The first page of the Post article "The Great Schnozzola"
Read “The Great Schnozzola” by Maurice Zolotow from the July 15, 1950, issue of the Post. Subscribe to the magazine for more art, inspiring stories, fiction, humor, and features from our archives.

This article is featured in the November/December 2020 issue of The Saturday Evening Post. Subscribe to the magazine for more art, inspiring stories, fiction, humor, and features from our archives.

Featured image: Pictorial Press Ltd / Alamy Stock Photo

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