Cartoons: Office Policy
“Sorry, Mr. Heinsohn. I make it a practice never to hire anyone I’d be afraid to fire.”
“What we need is a man who can think for himself.”
“Would it be possible for you to type with your keyboard on your desk like everybody else?”
“Let’s wait and see see if they both hang up at the same time.”
“Cheney is semiretired.”
“So this is hell? It looks just like my old office.”
Cartoons: American Politics
“Maybe there’s only ten of them now, but just wait till the bureaucrats get to work.”
“…the same coffee maker used by the Air Force, now for the amazingly low price of $24.95! That’s a savings of over $4,000.00!”
“I think I prefer the Republicans for clichés, but the Democrats for platitudes.”
“Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., credibility fell another seven points, reaching a new low for the year.”
Cartoons: Say What?
“And I say that without fear of contradiction.”
October 1954
“And just whom shall I say is—who shall I say—whom is—nobody’s home!”
July 1949
“First let me say that dinner was deductible, … er, delectable.”
Fall 1972
“Engrave it ‘To Constantina with love, Stanaslowski’!”
December 1946
“Okay, ma’am, what part of ‘450 MHz processor, memory (SDRAM) 64 MB, hard drive with three inter bays, ULTRA ATA/33, Ethernet 10/100 BASE-T and USB-port’ didn’t you understand?”
January/February 2005
“Well-l-l, I won’t write you a ticket this time—but don’t let it happen again, Mrs. Barczewleborsgewicz.”
November 1951
Cartoons: The Great Outdoors
“How far are we from the river, Sam? This thing’s getting heavy.”
March 1952
“I’m afraid this has ruined bird watching for me.”
July 1961
“I didn’t know that kid could drive!”
June 1949
October 1962
“Good Boy!”
October 1962
“Hello, Jim? It’s Carl. I just called to tell you how good it feels to get away from it all!”
January/February 2004
Cartoons: School Daze
It’s time to stock up on notebooks and pencils, and brush up on those excuses. The hallowed halls of learning await.
“You understand, of course, I’m not giving up the movie and TV rights!”
December 1950
“… and I’m also here to help you with your personal problems and disputes, and I can lick any kid in the room!”
September 1957
“Just recite the poem, Mercedes … don’t ham it up.”
1957
“Us first-graders spent most of the day getting acquainted.”
January 1961
“I suffer from test-taking anxiety, brought on by lack of studying.”
July/August 2003
Cartoons: Hot Stuff
“How are things ashore?”
July 1960
“Humid, isn’t it?”
March/April 1995
“Come now—we’ve had heat waves before!”
August 1958
May 1961
“One medium, one medium rare, one medium well, one very well, one just between medium and medium rare, one almost rare …”
June 1954
“Oh, Mr. Artman …”
July 1949
Cartoons: Check … Please!!!
“Just between you and me, the shish kebab hasn’t been too popular tonight.”
May/June 1980
“Very … VERY excruciatingly funny!”
August 1954
“I hate to spoil your evening, Benson, but your orders are stacking up in the kitchen.”
July 1960
“Table 14 doesn’t want any watercress in his salad.”
December 1944
“I put a new man on the crepes suzette.
Keep an eye on him!”
January 1945
“This is one of our more recent vintages.”
September/October 2011
“Sorry, have you been waiting long?”
July/August 2012
Cartoons: Medical Mayhem
“Either I was accidentally using my iPod, or your heart beats to ‘We Will, We Will, Rock You’.”
July/August 2013
“If they describe this as chicken soup, how are they ever going to identify my gallstones?
July/August 1997
“Is this magazine really two years old, or have I just been waiting here that long?”
January/February 2013
“You’ll laugh when I tell you that little Tabby got down out of the tree all by herself”
October 1960
“The doctor will see you now. Did you bring a stool sample?”
September/October 2001
“I’d offer you a tissue, but they’re 87 cents each.”
July/August 1997
“Where’s the recovery room?”
December 1975
Cartoons: Foot-in-Mouth Epidemic
“Well, it was awfully nice having you drop in,
Even if it was for such a long time.”
July 1949
“Tell me about your book, Mr. Shafer.
I hate to spend four-fifty for it.”
October 1957
“So she said she spent the afternoon at the beauty parlor … So I said, ‘Didn’t they wait on you?’ She said …”
December 1948
“Why these are wonderful, Hilda.
There’s hardly any resemblance to you at all!”
June 1949
“Here’s a style that’s popular with older women.”
May 1952
“To realize how cute it is
you should really see it on someone else.”
August 1952
Cartoons: Beachcombers
“So we decided to settle out of court for thirty thousand polka dots.”
July 1959
“Try to remember! Where did you bury daddy?”
July 1966
“How much are you asking for July and August?”
May 1966
“Why can’t you collect shells like other kids?”
July 1976
June 1953
“Let’s have a little action.”
“That’s better.”
August 1954
Cartoons: Summertime, and the Living is Easy
March 1957
“Isn’t it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air?”
July/August 2012
“Allow me to introduce myself …”
September 1953
June 1954
“You get your laughs, don’t you?”
July 1954
Cartoons: Tee Time
“YIPPEEE! Been playing for three weeks now and I’d almost given up getting a hole in one.”
November 1960
“Nice Shot.”
November 1959
“One snicker, remember, and you’re through.”
June 1961
“I’ll bet I couldn’t do that again if I tried all day.”
June 1955
October 1960
“Hey, I said I’d take the dog for a walk. I didn’t say where.”
May/June 2004
“Where do I register for the father and son tournament?”
July/August 1998
Cartoons: Stuff Dad Says
“You’re going to school like that? When I was a kid,
I used to have nightmares about showing up at school in my underwear.”
May/June 2006
“What happened to Lester? I liked Lester!”
November 1951
“It wasn’t exactly a thrilling rescue, but I DID save your mother once. … She was about to become an old maid.”
November 1950
“Zip.”
March 1952
“A Frank Sinatra cassette and a little too much wine. That’s where babies come from.”
January/February 1996
“No more horror movies and that’s final.”
November 1959
Cartoons: Wedding Day Jitters
“You are a most gallant gentleman, sir, and I shall always be grateful for your generous offer—but he’s merely trying to find a place to park.”
January 1952
“Better take Riley off wedding cakes until he patches up his marital troubles.”
February 1954
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have proposed while you were taking a bite of your taco.”
September/October 1993
“You know very well, Helen who!”
April 1958
“Just remember that marriage is like buying a house. You have to live with it, and you may not see any appreciation.”
July/August 1998
“We still have a few minor issues to work out: I want a huge wedding, and he wants to be single.”
March/April 2013
“Can you wait 10 minutes while I pack?”
June 1954
Cartoons: Gone Fishing
“In case I don’t get back, tell everybody how big he was!”
November 1946
April 1961
“She caught three rowboats, one drawbridge,
and two innocent bystanders.”
September 1955
“Ralph, don’t you think he’s a little young
to take up fishing?”
January/February 1998
November 1959
“If he rams the boat, we’re finished.”
June 1961
Cartoons: A Love for TV
“In what part of the house is the fire now?”
November 1951
“Now let’s see, we’re tied up on Wednesday and Thursday, but I think we can make it on Friday.”
October 1957
“Just for fun I registered my dad with an online dating service. They matched him with a recliner and TV.”
September/October 2006
“We’re starting out with just the bare essentials.”
September 1955
“Thanks, honey.”
March/April 1994
“A glass of fine Chablis, a marvelous cheddar, and a Three Stooges festival. Cheers!”
November 1980